
Glass S^3Sj [7 
Book. -^S3/7 7 
Copyright }^^ ' '" ^ 



COPYRIGHT DEPOSI 



ARE YOU A MASON? 

(2)ie !JLogenbrut)cr) 






FARCE COMEDY IN THREE ACTS. 



Adapted from the Gewnan of CARL LAUFS and CURT KRAATZ 



LEO DITRICHSTEIN. 



mlfk- 



CopyTight, 1901, by Emantjel Lederbr and Carl Herrmakn. 



W T-.ii" • ■:" 


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NEW YORK: 


''.''' I' \l 


EMANUEL LEDERER and CARL HERRMANN, 




Sole Owners and Proprietors, 




13 West ,42d Street. 





Isaac Goujuann Co., Printers, Oor. New Chambers and William Sts., N. Y. 



UONGKtSS, 

Two Cofiiia Received 

JUN. 10 1901 

Copyright entry 

CLASS/^ XXe. Na. 

COPY B. 



'>>' 



NOTIC E. 

The lights to translate the farce "ARE YOU A MASON" (copyrighted, AprU, 1901) 
into any other language — to print or to copy in any other form for any purpose whatsoever — 
and all other rights of any kind or nature are owned by and resei-ved by the sole owners, 
Ema2<itel Lederer and Carl Herrmann. 

Especial notice should be taken that the possession of this book without a valid con- 
tract for production fii'st having been obtained by the owners, is unlawful — and that this 
book is only la\\'fully in the possession of any person so long as a good and valid contract 
giving the rights to produce "ARE YOU A MASON" is still in full force and eilect — and 
all past royalties under each contract are paid. Immediately upon the expiration of the 
conti'act — or its cancellation for unpaid royalties, or any other breach of said contract — this 
book must at once be retiuTied to the owners. 

Any person or persons who are in possession of this book shall not loan, copy or cir- 
culate it, nor caiise it to be loaned, copied or eii'ciilated, or in any manner whatsoever permit 
to leave his or their possession, except while in actual use on the stage for the jjurpose of 
rehearsing or producing the play. 

FIFTY -FOURTH CONGRESS, SECOND SESSION, CHAPTER 4. 

AN ACT to amend title sixty, chapter three, of the Revised Statutes 
relating to copyrights. 



1897, 
Jan. 6. 



Be it enacted hy the Senate and House of Rep- 
resentatives of the United States of America in 
Congress assemdled, That section forty-nine hun- 
dred and sixty-six of the Revised Statutes be, and the same is 
hereby amended, so as to read as follows : 

"Sec. 4966. Any person publicly performing or represent- 
ing any dramatic or musical composition for which a copyright 
has been obtained, without the consent of the proprietor of 
said dramatic or musical composition, or his heirs or assigns, 
shall be liable for damages therefor, such damages in all cases 
to be assessed at such sum, not less than one hundred dollars 
for the first and fifty dollars for every subsequent performance, 
as to the court shall appear to be just. If the unlawful per- 
formance and representation be willful and for profit, such 
person or persons shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon 
JtforbYtC'ti^ii be imJ)'i-:igoii6d' for a period not exceeding one year. 
*X'uy in'j.itilGtiJ3n tHat n^ay be granted upon hearing after notice 
to the defendant by any circuit court of the United States, 
.'pK'by*. a. "^udgB'.the'i-ciqf', restraining and enjoining the per- 
••Joi^ihaub'e." or -represents j:i'on of any such dramatic or musical 
composition may be served on the parties against whom such 
injunction may be granted anywhere in the United States, 
and shall be operative and may be enforced by proceedings to 
punish for contempt or otherwise by any other circuit court 
or judge in the United States. 

All persons infringing upon the copyright of "ARE YOU A MASON," pirating the 
play in any way or manner, ■i^^ll be prosecuted to the full extent of the above law. 



DRAMATIS PERSONAE AND 
^jfc ORIGINAL CAST 0¥ ^ J^ 

ARE YOU A MASON? 

AS PRESENTED BY 

MESSRS. RICH AND HARRIS, 

at 'Wallack's Theatre, New York City, Monday Evening, April J, I90I. 



GEORGE FISHER, stock broker, formerly actor LEO DITRICHSTEIN 

FRANK PERRY, his friend JOHN C. RICE 

AMOS BLOODGOOD, of Rockford, III., Perry's father-in-law... THOMAS A. WISE 

JOHN HALTON, a gentleman farmer from up State GEORGE RICHARDS 

HAMILTON TRAVERS, usher at a music hall ARNOLD DALY 

ERNEST MORRISON, a young architect CECIL DE MILLE 

POLICEMAN CHARLES GREENE 

MRS. CAROLINE BLOODGOOD MAY ROBSON 

EVA, (MRS. PERRY)-. | r ESTHER TITTELL 

ANNIE >her daughters. S NELLIE BUTLER 

LULU J ' JEANNETTE NORTHERN 

MRS. HALTON, Halton's wife CHARLOTTE LAMBERT 

NORAH, cook to the Perrys SALLY COHEN 

MARY, maid to the Perrys THERESE RENOLD 

FANCHON ARMITAGE. a cloak model at Mme. Jolivet's AMY MULLER 



PLACE OF ACTION:— Ferry's apartment in New York City. 
TIME: — Friday in the forenoon, Act I. 

Saturday in the afternoon, Acts II. and III. 



Produced under the stage direction of Mr. LEO DITRICHSTEIN. 



SCENE PLOT. 



Sldeffoarci 



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Q/rta/k 



J^eft 



Comfortable sitting room. White lace curtains for windows. 
Heavy portieres for entrance to music room. The same for 
general entrance. Lambrequins over the single doors to match 
the tone of the room. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 



ACT I. 



Sitting Room in Perry's House according to scene plot. 
When curtain rises, Perry from r. j. 

Perry {Spick and span as if he had just finished dressing, 
speaks hack into room). Tell Norah to bring my breakfast 
in here, Mary. {Hums or whistles, — perfumes his handker- 
chief zvith a spray zvhich he takes from mantel.) 

Mary {from r. 2). Mr. Morrison wishes to see you, sir. 

Perry. Show him right in and hurry up with breakfast. 

Mary. Very well, sir. {Off r. 2.) 

Perry {Bus., looks at his zvatch). Phew! Half past eleven. 

Morrison ENTERS. 

Morrison. Hello, Perry. 

Perry. Hello, Morrison! How are you? How are you 
getting on with the plans? 

MoR. You can see for yourself — I've brought them 
with me. {Goes round table, l., unrolls them on table.) 

Perry {goes to head of table). Well, I must say that was 
quick work. {^Looking at them.) Very good, — very practical, 
— just what I want. 

MoR. I'm glad you are satisfied. I suppose you 
want us to begin work at once. This is the most favorable 
time for building. 

Perry. I dare say. Between you and me, Morrison, I 
haven't the necessary cash just at present, but I have half a 
promise from my father-in-law to advance the 15,000 or 
20,000 dollars it will cost to build the extension. 



6 ARE YOU A MASON? 

MoR. Then, why not go ahead with the work? I 
am sure we can get the permit from the building department. 

Perry. I know. What we need is a permit from my 
mother-in-law, — she is the exchequer of the family, {Look- 
ing over plans.) 

MoR. Mrs. Bloodgood? 

Perry. Precisely. 

MoR. What kind of a woman is Mrs. Bloodgood? 

Perry. Morrison, if you must marry — marry an orphan. 

MoR. (laughs). And I was bent on becoming your 
brother-in-law. 

Perry. Sorry I spoke. (Goes r.) Which one of the 
blossoms is it? 

MoR. Lulu. (Going to c.) 

Perry. When did that happen? 

MoR. During their last visit. It was a case of love 
at first sight. 

Perry. You have my sympathy. Well — er — what do 
you want me to do? You surely have some reason for con- 
fiding in me. 

MoR. (Enter Norah zvith breakfast tray r. 2nd e.) 
Exactly. Lulu wrote to me of the possibility of their coming 
East early in the Fall. Of course you are going to entertain 
them, and I want to tell you, that I am going to keep all my 
time open for your dinners, suppers and theatre parties. 
Don't be bashful^ you can invite me as often as you like. 

Perry. Thank you. (Shakes his hand.) 

MoR. Don't mention it. (Xs to sofa r.) And about 
the plans? (Goes c. zvitJi plans.) 

Perry. Til let you know as soon as I hear from our 
mother-in-law". 

MoR. Is that your breakfast? 

Perry. What do you think it is — my supper? 

MoR. (langhs). Rather late. I'm almost ready for my 
luncheon. Good-bye, old man. Don't forget me. (Otf 

R, 2.) 



ARE YOU A MASON? 7 

Perry, All right, — I won't. What is this? (Takes coffee 
and makes a face.) Is this coffee? — ^Tastes like dishwater. 
(Tastes again.) Are you sure you haven't made a mistake? 

NoRAH. Well, Mr. Perry, whin I gets breakfast ready 
fer eight o'clock, and it's twelve o'clock whin ye ate it, ye 
must be prepared. This is the fifth toime this mornin' that 
I've warmed up this blessed coffee. 

Perry. It tastes like it. 

NoRAH. Sure, an' it's a shame the way things is goin' on 
here — turnin' night into day and day into night, I do be 
feelin' ashamed fur livin' in this house — me, that's all me 
loife has worked fur respectable folks. (Goes l.) 

Perry. You can pack your things and go. 

NoRAH. I won't pack, and I won't go. — Now, make me! 

Perry. I guess I'm master in my own house. 

NoRAH. You? Guess again. I was sent here by Mrs. 
Bloodgood, and here I stay until she gives me my notice. 
You want to shake me because I'm on to your curves. While 
I think of it, you can dine out — I'm in no humor to cook. 
(Fisher has appeared at entrance r. 2.) 

Fisher. Hello, Frank! 

Perry. Hello! (They shake hands.) 

Fisher. Don't let me interrupt you, Norah. 

NoRAH. 'Terrupt me, is it? Do ye suppose I'd be lettin' 
meself be 'terrupted by the loikes of ye? 

Fisher. Why, Norah, dear! 

Norah. Don't ye dear me, sorr. 

Fisher (bows). I beg your pardon, Mrs. Arbutas. 

Norah. Ye can't fool me, sorr, — You're one o' thim kind, 
too. 

Fisher. What kind? 

NoEAH. The kind that hangs around the gin-mill — 

Fisher. Meaning me? 

Norah. Yis, sorr, it is you that is leading married men 
asthray — 

Perry. Meaning me? (Eats his breakfast.) 

Fisher. You are worse than a mother-in-law. 



8 ARE YOU A MASON P 

NoRAH. That's what I am, sure enough, — leastways, I 
stand in the place of one here. 

Fisher. Don't be cross, Norah. (Passes his arm around 
her zoaist.) 

Norah. Hands off, Mr. Fresh! How dare ye insuh a 
respectable woman? (Xs.) Just wait till yere wife gets 
home, Mr. Perry — I say no more, but jist wait! You! you! — 

Fisher (to Frank). Yes, jist wait, we'll tell on ye. 

Norah. Oh, ye — jumpin' jack! (Off r. 2.) 
(The two men laugh.) 

Perry. Have some coffee? 

Fisher. Yes, — I think I will. 

Perry. No, Fm a friend of yours. 

Fisher. Just like mother used to make. 

Perry. Yes! I always take tea. 

Fisher. Was that altercation with your servant part of 
your daily routine? (Sits on chair r.) 

Perry. I didn't get much of it this morning — you got 
some. Sorry you didn't come a little sooner; you might have 
got it all. 

Fisher. F'm not kicking. How can you put up with 
such a state of affairs? Why don't you give her her walking 
papers? 

Perry. Can't. She's a wedding present. It's bad luck 
to part with one's wedding gifts. 

Fisher. Who was the generous giver? 

Perry. My mother-in-law. She wanted to give my wife 
a diamond necklace and a sunburst, but she gave us Norah 
instead. 

Fisher. Well, mother-in-law or no mother-in-law, I'd 
send her flying so fast — 

Perry. So would I, — but I can't just at present. I'm 
going to build. 

Fisher. What's that got to do with it? 

Perry. I want to borrow 20,000 dollars from my father- 
in-law — 

Fisher. Your father-in-law? 



ARE YOU A MASON? 9 

Perry. When I say father-in-law, I really mean mother- 
in-law, because she signs the checks. 

Fisher. So you have to keep on her good side. Speak- 
ing of mothers-in-law reminds me of the cause of my visit. 
(Rises.) Frank, I am on the best road of becoming your 
brother-m-la-w, and I came to ask you — 

Perry (looks at him). Not to be too scarce with my invi- 
tations to dinners, suppers and theatre parties, when the girls 
come East. 

Fisher (surprised). Are they coming East? (Sits in 
chair.) 

Perry. Didn't Annie write to you ? 

Fisher. Annie? — How do you know it is Annie? 

Perry (giving himself airs). Oh, am I a — wiz? 

Fisher. Then without any preliminaries — it was a case 
of love at first sight! 

Perry. That seems to be running in the Bloodgood 
family. 

Fisher. We corresponded, — about three weeks ago she 
stopped answering my letters. I got worried and went out 
to Rockford 

Perry. To Rockford? A cheesy place ! 

Fisher. The worst ever! I called on the Bloodgoods, — 
the ladies were out, — I called again, — same thing, — I wrote, — 
my letter was returned. Just as I left the house for the fifth 
time, I ran into the manager of the local opera house. He 
recognized me. I had played there once with one of the 
"Charley's Aunt" companies. 

Perry. You were a pretty sad actor, but you did play 
that part all right. 

Fisher. Thanks. Well, that Aunt was the cause of my 
undoing. 

Perry. How's that? 

Fisher. Annie had told her father and mother about me, 
— the old man casually mentioned my name to the manager, — 
he told them of my histrionic past — and the old folks declared 
they wanted no "trooper" in their family. Curtain. 



10 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Perry. But you are a stock broker now. 

Fisher. That's what I tried to tell them, but they would 
not see me, and returned my letters unopened. What shall 
I do? (Rises, goes to c.) 

Perry (rises, goes to r.). The girls are coming East soon. 
I'll see what I can do for you. 

Fisher. Oh, thank you, — you take a stone load from my 
heart! Frank, I really love Annie. 

Perry. Who was the girl I saw with you at Sherry's the 
other night? 

Fisher. Wasn't she a peach? She's a French girl. 

Perry (putting on airs). You'll have to stop taking French 
girls out if you want to become my brother-in-law. What 
did you say her name was? 

Fisher. Fanchon Armitage, — she's a cloak model at 
Madame Jolivet's, 5th Avenue and 28th Street. I say, can't 
I get a drink of something? 

Perry. I've got an elegant bottle of old rye on my night 
table in there. (Xs to room r., points to door r. i.) 
(Fisher off into room, leaves door open.) 

Perry (meamuhile puts down address). Fanchon Armi- 
tage, — Madame Jolivet's, 5th Avenue and 28th Street. Now, 
George, I want you to promise me that you won't see that 
girl again. 

Fisher (from the other room). I won't. On my word. 

Mary ENTERS e. 2. 

Mary, A gentleman, whose name is Travers, to see you, 
sir. 

Perry. Show him in. 
Travers ENTERS. Man of 55 or 60, clean-shaven, unmis- 
takable type of a paimy-day actor on the dozunzvard grade. 

Travers. Allow me, sir, to assure you of my most dis- 
tinguished consideration. 

Fisher (coming in zuith the zvhiskey bottle). Hello, Ham! 
What are you doing here? 

Travers (zjuith dignity). Oh, how do you do, George? 



ARE YOU A MASON? 11 

Perry (to Fisher). Who's your friend? 

Fisher. Mr. Hamilton Travers, — the one-time rival of 
the only Count Johannes. Now, usher at Koster and Bial's. 

Travers. Circumstances over which I had no control — 
(Takes whiskey bottle and glass from Fisher.) Thank you, 
sir. (Pours out a stiff drink and gidps it down.) Very good, — 
I need not go into details about the cause 

Perry (takes bottle from him). You needn't, sir. (Takes 
bottle, Xs to c.) 

Travers. I was too spiritual 

Perry. Very likely. Kindly state your business. 

Travers. With pleasure. Er — may I first trouble you 
for another drop of that delicious aqua viva. (Bus.) 

Perry. Take the elevator and come up here. (Hands 
him a drink.) 

Travers (drinks, puts glass on table). 

Perry (looks suspiciously at the bottle, smells it — to Fisher). 
Good grief! You got a hold of the bayrum bottle. 

Travers. This is better than most of the stuf¥ one gets 
in those old barrooms, — there is some substance to this. 
(Shakes himself. Drinks.) 

Fisher (smAls bottle). Well, I be . (Takes bottle, 

EXITS I R. E.) 

Perry. Now to your business, sir. 

Travers. You left this in box C last night. 

Perry. My cardcase ! How did you know it belonged to 
me? 

Travers. There are some cards in it. 

Perry. I see. Well, Fm very much obliged to you. 
Kindly take this as a compensation for your trouble. (Hands 
him two dollars.) 

Travers (drazuing back). Pardon me, sir, — a gentleman 
never accepts remuneration for a service rendered to another 
gentleman. Good morning. 

(Perry Xs l., to door, where he stops. ENTER Fisher.) 

Oh — er — George — can you let me have ten dollars until 
salary day? 



12 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Fisher (sits sofa, l). Stung! I haven't got ten, — ^but — 
(f limbics in his pockets) — will five do you? 

Travers. Thanks, George. I'll bring it to your office. 
(To door.) 

Fisher. Keep it. 

Perry. He'll keep it. 

Travers. Oh — charming ladies you had in your box, Mr. 
Perry — so democratic, — the little blonde was inclined to flirt 
a bit — 

Perry (angrily). Sir! (Rises.) 

Travers. Oh, not the one next to you, — who was Mrs. 
Perry, I presume, — no, the one with the tafify-colored hair. 

Perry, Get out! (Goes toward door e.) 

Travers. Kindly remember me to her. Gentlemen, — 
good morning. (EXITS r. 2.) 

Fisher. Well, I am on to you, old top! 

Perry. I don't care about your being on, — but the 
thought of being in the hands of that old blackmailer makes 
me shiver. I wish my wife were home. I'm not made for a 
fast life. (Sits sofa, l.) 

Fisher. You seem to stand it pretty well. 

Perry. By the way, George, I must tell you, we got run 
in last night. (Riscs^ goes to Fisher.) 

Fisher. How did that happen? 

Perry. Well, one of the girls didn't know when she had 
had enough, and insisted on giving an open-air performance 
on Broadway. 

Fisher. Did it draw? 

Perry. Have you ever seen a free show that didn't? 
(Fisher sits table r. Goes to desk. Bus. zvith letters.) Unfor- 
tunately a policeman was among the audience. He enjoyed 
it as much as the rest. But when she got through, he said 
Capt. Chapman at the station was longing for company, so 
he gathered us in. 

Fisher (laughs). By Jove — Did you have to stay at the 
station house? 



ARE YOU A MASON? 13 

Perry. No, — I got bailed out. To-morrow I'll go down 
to the police court with my lawyer, pay my fine — and, that's 
the end of it. {Looks at letter.) Oh, — from my wife^ — excuse 
me! 

Fisher. I'll trot. {Rises, starts to go.) 

Perry. Wait a minute. {Reading.) 

Fisher. Good news? 

Perry. Eva's coming home. {Reads.) "It's getting 
very cold up here, — besides, I can't stay away from you 
another day. Have you been a good boy?" 

Fisher {feels his back). 

Perry. What are you doing? 

Fisher. I'm feeling for the wings. 

Perry. Fool! {Continuing.) "I had a letter from 
mother, she asked me whether you had carried out your 
promise to be a mason? I hope you have done so during my 
absence — " {Speaks.) Here's a nice mess. I have forgot- 
ten all about it. (Fisher goes e.) 

Fisher. That's no misfortune. 

Perry. You don't understand. {Sits chair at table, l.) My 
mother-in-law put that notion into her head. It was too stupid 
of me to forget — it may queer me with the old lady, and then 
good-bye to the 20,000. My father-in-law is a great mason — 
thirty-sixth and seventh degree — in fact I believe, he is 
exalted ruler, grand master, or something of that sort out 
there in Illinois. 

Fisher. I see, — it was to be a sort of surprise for the old 
gentleman ? {Sits e.) 

Perry. Yes. My mother-in-law contends that the Lodge 
is the only safe place for married men now-a-days, so when 
Eva went to the mountains she insisted on my joining one, 

Fisher. The old gentleman must have been a gay bird. 

Perry. He was, but he has had to pay the penalty for it. 
He had an affair with a girl in New York, oh, I am speaking 
of some twenty years ago,^he left her in the lurch when he 
went West, and it is said that she committed suicide on 
account of his desertion. 



14 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Fisher, You don't say. 

Perry. On the very day of his wedding- to my mother-in- 
law, she wrote her last letter, saying she intended to kill her- 
self — and the letter, through an unfortunate chain of cir- 
cumstances, fell into the hands of his bride. 

Fisher. Great Scott! 

Perry. You can imagine the capital my mother-in-law 
has made out of it in the course of years. The departed 
"Angelina" has grown to be the curse of his life. 

Fisher. Angelina? A foreigner? 

Perry. Some crazy French or Italian girl. Whenever 
he feels tempted to kick over the traces, she puts a damper 
on him by reminding him of "Angelina". 

Fisher. By Jove — a fellow can never be too careful about 
such affairs. (Goes e.) 

Perry (rises). That ought to be a warning to you. Don't 
take any French girls to Sherry's for late suppers. (Goes E.) 

Fisher (smiles). I like your nerve. (Goes to Perry.) 

Perry. What am I g'oing to do about this mason busi- 
ness? Are you a mason? 

Fisher. No — but Fm a Bufifalo. If you have eleven cents 
I'll initiate you. (Bus.) O, you're on. 

Perry. If Eva finds out I have not complied with her 
wish — 

Fisher. Why don't you simply tell her that you have 
joined the lodge? Meanwhile you make your application, 
and before she has a chance to find you out, you'll be a full- 
fledged mason. 

Perry. That's not a bad scheme, George. (Goes c.) But 
what am I to tell her if she asks me any questions about the 
lodge? I don't know the first thing about masonry. 

Fisher. Neither do I. Have you any encyclopaedia? 

Perry (pointing to book case). There's the Britannica, ninth 
edition. (Xs up to book case l. Perry l. Fisher, e.) 

Fisher (over to book case). A, B, C, D — F — there we are. 
(Takes out a volume, turns leaves.) Farragut — flying machines 
— France — there — free masonry — that's it. Quite a long 



ARE YOU A MASON? 15 

article. (Reads.) "Free masonry has for its object the en- 
lightment of humanity as well as the promotion of practical 
brotherhood all over the world." 
Perry. That's rather general. 

Fisher. Wait— this is more to the point. (Reads.) "It 
possesses symboHcal forms, customs, special countersigns 
etc.— as to which the members are pledged to preserve the 
most inviolable secrecy." (Speaks.) 'The most inviolable 
secrecy". That lets you out, old man; if your wife asks you 
any questions, you simply say, with a shrug of shoulders: 
"My dear child, don't ask questions— I can't answer them— 
we are pledged to the most inviolable secrecy." 
Perry (delighted). By Jingo— that's great. 
Fisher {reads). "The brotherhood is organized in lodges, 
and there are three degrees; apprentices, fellowcrafts and 
masters. At the head of each lodge there is a grand master." 
Perry. Uhum— like my father-in-law. 
Fisher (mumbling). "Its origin dates back to the building 
of the Temple of Solomon." 

Perry. O, that'll do. I know all I need, and in case of 
emergency (take stage r.) I have the oath of secrecy to fall 
back on. (Take stage r. Fisher book on table e.) 

Fisher (pttts the book open on the table, then over to Perry). 
There's another most important point, it provides you with 
a capital excuse in case you get home late— you'll have been 
to your lodge. (Goes l.) 

Perry. I say, you're an unscrupulous beggar— but it's 

a good idea. 

Fisher. You'll have to display special activity as a new 
jnember— there'll be degrees to take and special duties to 
perform. 

Perry. What kind of duties? 

Fisher (meaningly). O, that's a secret. 

Perry (does not see it iirst, then laughs). Oh, ha ha— this is 
a brilliant idea of yours, George— one can keep that up for- 
ever. 

Fisher (pointing to his head). Great head, eh? 



16 ARE YOTJ A MASON P 

Perry (ivith mock seriousness). I'll have to warn poor 
Annie before she falls a victim to your wiles. 

Fisher. Just to show me your gratitude for getting you 
out of your scrape. {Xes. to exit, Perry goes l.) I'll be 
around to-morrow to see how you are getting on "Brother" 
Perry. (EXITS r. 2.) 

Perry (takes out letter, calls.) I say, George — I forgot— 
George — (To door.) 

Mary (enters). Mr. Fisher's gone, sir. 

Perry. Mary, Mrs. Perry is coming home to-day. 
(Reads.) "1 can't stay away another twenty-four hours." 
(Speaks.) Dated day before yesterday — she ought to be here 
in the course of the day. (To Mary.) Tell Norah to have 
dinner ready, in case Mrs. Perry comes. 

Eva (enters in traveling costume, followed by Noeah, who 
carries several satchels). Frank! 

Perry. Eva! (They rush into each other's arms and embrace.) 

Eva. Oh, I'm so glad to get home! 

Perry. You can't be more glad than I am, my darling. 
(Kisses her.) 

Norah (aside to Mary). Listen to him, the cheat! (EXIT 
Mary with satchels.) 

[Mary smiles and takes satchels, EXIT r. 2. 

Eva. You bad boy! Why didn't you meet me at the sta- 
tion — didn't you get my letter? 

Perry. Yes, dear, but you forgot to mention the train you 
were coming on. (Perry takes off Eva's coat, puts it on 
chair c.) 

Eva. If you loved me real hard, you would have guessed. 

Perry. The mountain air seems to have agreed with 
you — you are looking fine. 

Eva. Oh, I'm all right — but I can't say the same of you. 
You poor boy, you look pale and worn out. 

Norah (bursting out). An' it ain't no wonder, Ma'am. 

Eva. What do you mean, Norah? 

Norah. Mane? I mane that whin a man niver gets home 
before the milkman comes 



ARE YOXT A MASON? 17 

Eva. What do I hear, Frank? What have you to say for 
yourself? 

Perry (calmly). Oh — nothing — nothing at all — what No- 
rah says is true. 

Eva. Frank! You can't even say one word in your de- 
fense? 
NoRAH. He can't ma'am. (Down r.) 

Perry. Why should I ? What time was it when I got home 
last night? 

NoRAH (ironically). Last night? After four this mornin'. 
(Down R.) 

Perry. Norah, tell the truth. It was after five. 
Eva (perplexed). You seem to be proud of it. (Goes l.) 
Perry (as calmly as before). And yesterday and day be- 
fore yesterday — in fact the entire week? Didn't I come home 
about the same time, Norah? 
NoRAH. He did, ma'am. 

Eva (goes to Perry.) How dare you tell all this with a 
smile on your face! 

Perry. It was rather a grind, but I was willing to put up 
with it for love of you. 

Eva. For love of me? Why, Frank, what has come over 
you in the month I've been gone? 

Perry. Come over me? Is this my reward for having 
fulfilled your wishes? (Xes r. Laughing bitterly.) Ha-ha- 
ha, very good ! Just like a woman ! (Sits chair r.) 
Eva (bewildered). My — wishes? (Xes to Perry.) 
Norah (has been listening in amazement — anxiously to Eva). 
Shall I run for the doctor, ma'am? 

Eva. I don't understand you, Frank. 
Perry (rises). And I don't understand you! Ever since 
we've been married you've been urging me to join the lodge. 
Just before you went away you made a special point of it. 
I thought you would be delighted when you came back to 
hear me say, "Eva, darling, I am a freemason." And now — 
oh, I am disappointed! (Throws himself into a chair r.) 
Norah (horrified). A Freemason, good heavens ! 



18 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Eva. Is it really true? Oh, you, you dear, sweet, darling 
boy! (Rushes over to him and kisses him. Kneels.) Can you 
forgive me? 

Perry. Don't worry, my darling, I forgive you. 

NoRAH. Why, ma'am, don't ye know that the devil him- 
self is hand in glove with 'em? 

Eva {smiling). Why, Norah? 

NoRAH {with conviction). Indade, indade, he is that ma'am. 
An' whin he comes to see them, it's down the chimney he 
comes! {Runs to fireplace and looks up.) 

Eva {gaily). Oh, come now, Norah. 

Norah. I'll stay in this house no longer. 

Perry {Xes to Norah). Norah, don't be such a 

Norah {retreats showing signs of terror). Don't touch me! 
{Exits R. 2.) 

Perry {quickly). Give her two weeks' wages and let her 
go now. {Tickled at the idea.) 

Eva. Oh, Norah is allright. 

Perry. I'm glad you think so. No matter when I get 
home, I always find her entertaining Mrs. McCarthy, the 
scrub woman. It is that Mick that puts all that nonsense 
into her head. 

Eva (taking off her hat and placing it on table r.). She'll get 
over it. (Perry shoivs signs of disappointment.) But tell me, 
dear, how did you get along? 

Perry. I missed you dreadfully. 

Eva. No, no, I mean, with your initiation? How did you 
get through? {Both go l. sofa l. and sit.) 

Perry. First rate ! It was all very solemn and impressive. 

Eva {sitting next to him — nestling close to him, eagerly). Now 
tell me, weren't you a wee little bit scared? 

Perry. Scared? Nonsense! Why should I be? 

Eva. Well, I've been told, they have a sort of chamber of 
horrors — full of skeletons and bones, and skulls, with trap- 
doors and secret passages — a procession of masked men with 
sharp pointed daggers — riding on black goats — but come, 
tell me all about it — I'm just dying to hear it all! 



ARE YOU A MASON? 19 

Perry. I am sorry, my dear child, but we are pledged to 
inviolable secrecy! I will acknowledge one thing, I got bow- 
legged riding goats. 

Eva. Not really? 

Perry. I had to take a solemn oath ! 

Eva. How interesting — what did you have to swear? 

Perry. No end of things. 

Eva. For instance? 

Perry. Hm — darling — er — that's a profound secret, you 
know. 

Eva. Certainly — but you can tell your wife, I'm sure. 

Perry. My wife least of all. (Solemnly.) I had to take 
a special oath to that effect. 

Eva (rises, goes r. petulantly). How very ungallant! But 
if that's the case I shall not insist any further! (Steps to mir- 
ror and adjusts her hair. Perry heaves a sigh of relief.) 

Norah (ENTERS with a telegram.) Here's a telegraft 
what's just come. 

Perry. Give it to me. (Rises, goes to Norah.) 

Norah (holds it out to him zvith the tips of her fingers). Here! 

Perry (testily.) Oh, come, what's all this nonsense? 

Norah (zvith a violent start). Lord have mercy on us! (Xes 
R. rotmd sofa. She hands telegram to Eva and quickly EXITS.) 

Perry. Old idiot! 

Eva (has opened telegram and reads). Oh, Frank, mother 
and father are coming with Lulu and Annie. 

Perry The deuce they are? 

Eva. Aren't you glad? 

Perry (with forced gayety). Glad! I'm delighted! 

Eva. Just think how nice it will be to have father here as 
a fellow mason 

Perry (s. a. a.) Very nice! 

Eva. Won't he be glad to hear it — and mother too! 

Perry. Mother! Yes, there'll be general rejoicing! 

(S. A. A.) 

Eva. Well, there's no time to be lost if their rooms are 
to be ready for them. (Calling off.) Norah! Norah! 



20 ARE YOU A MASON? 

NoRAH (outside). Yis, ma'am! 

Eva. We must get the spare rooms ready, — the folks are 
commg! Quick! Quick! (EXIT hastily r.i.) 

Perry (falls on sofa). If the Grand Master finds out I've 
been drawing on my imagination, my chances of drawing on 
him will be very slim! (Noise of carriage stopping is heard. 
Goes to zvindozv.) Holy smoke! There they are already! I'll 
make myself scarce for the present. I don't feel quite pre- 
pared to face the old man. (Off quickly through music room.) 
ENTER Bloodgood, Mrs. Bloodgood, Annie, Lulu, 
with bags, satchels, etc., ushered in by Mary, e. 2. 

Mary. This way, please. 

[Lulu sits l. table, e. Mrs. B., A., Mr. B. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. This is a nice reception. Why, 
where's everybody? 

Mary. Mrs. Perry is busy getting your rooms ready, — 
I'll tell her of your arrival. 

Bloodgood. I telegraphed from Newburgh — did you 
get my wire? 

Mary. Yes, sir. (Off.) 

Lulu. Oh, I'm so tired! (Sits on chair.) 

Annie. Tired? How can anybody feel tired in New 
York? I'm too glad to be here to feel tired. 

Lulu (rises, goes to B.). It won't take me long to get 
rested. We'll be on the go all day to-morrow, won't we, 
papa? We'll take you all over and show you the Park and 
Wall street, where the immigrants land, and the theatres — 

Annie (Xs to e.). Yes, we'll go to all the theatres, — you 
know how I love the drama. [They cling to Bloodgood. 

Blood. Yes, yes, children, — you shall see all that's worth 
seeing, and we'll have a capital time. 

Lulu. You dear old pops. (Kisses him.) 

Annie. You are the dearest father that ever lived! 
(Kisses him other side.) 

Mrs. B. Go and look for Eve, girls. 

Lulu and Annie. All right, mother! (They EXIT r. 2.) 

Blood, (looking after them). Splendid g^rls, so full of 



ARE YOU A MASON? 21 

life. (Puts hat on rack.) Oh, we're going to have a gay 
time. 

Mrs. B. (rises, frowning, with arms crossed). A gay time? 
Here is New York — the scene of the tragedy? Have you 
forgotten "AngeHna"? 

Blood. Good Lord! (Goes r.) After twenty years, 
think I might hear the last of the tragedy! You are really 
making my life a burden, Caroline. 

Mrs. B. I am surprised, Amos! Even if I have forgiven 
you, your whole life ought to be devoted to repentance and 
atonement. [Bloodgood sighs. 

Mrs. B. (goes on without heeding). Instead, your thoughts 
run on revelry and amusement! 

Blood. Yes, we revel an awful lot in Rockford! 

Mrs. B. Don't you go to your lodge every week? 

[Bloodgood clears his throat. 

Mrs. B. It is true you meet nothing but staid and respect- 
able men there. (Sits on sofa l.) 

Blood. Oh, most respectable. 

Mrs. B. And now that you hold such an exalted office — 

Blood. What office? 

Mrs. B. Why, haven't they elected you Master of your 
lodge? 

Blood, (quickly). Oh, — yes, — yes, — 

Mrs. B. You have not missed a single meeting in twenty 
years. 

Blood. Yes, that's true. 

Mrs. B. I was the proudest woman in the world when 
you came home that morning, after a long session, to tell 
me you had been made Grand Master of your lodge. I wish 
I could see you once presiding at one of your meetings. 

Blood, (quickly, goes c). That's impossible, Caroline, you 
know that! 

Mrs. B. Why don't they admit women? I'm sure you 
could achieve greater results if you permitted us to assist you 
in your noble work. 

Blood. I dare say you are right, — I have advocated it 



22 ARE YOU A MASON? 

again and again, — but they won't have it. A few jolly 
sisters 

Mrs. B. {7'ise, go to back). Jolly sisters? 

Blood. Er — er — a Masonic expression, — my dear, — we 
call all women sisters, you know. 

Mrs. B. But jolly sisters? 

Blood. Well, there's no harm in being jolly, is there? 

Mrs. B. Perhaps not — for some people, — but a man who 
has a great iniquity weighing on his conscience, should never 
be jolly! "Remember Angelina!" 

Blood, {exasperated, crosses e., sits on chair l.). You don't 
give me much of a chance to forget her! 

Mrs. B. Because I still hope that some day your con- 
science will wake up! 

Blood. Aren't you tired of dinning this into my ears? 
I've had twenty years of it, I can't stand it much longer, — it's 
worse than hard labor. 

Mrs. B. It is my duty to watch over you and over Frank. 

Blood. Well, Frank is all right. 

Mrs. B. That remains to be seen. Norah will tell me. 
I did not send her here for nothing. He won't get one cent 
from me, unless I hear that his conduct has been above 
reproach. (Goes c.) 

Blood, {goes to Mrs. B.). Come now, Caroline, I know he 
needs the money. 

Mrs. B. Of course, you would stick up for him! Birds 
of a feather, — I have my eye on him, — my daughter shall not 
have to put up with what I had to go through. First of all, 
I must know whether he has complied with my wish. 

Blood. What wish? 

Mrs. B. {Xs l.). That's a surprise for you! 

Blood. Don't give me any more surprises, Caroline, I 
don't like them. 

Eva comes running in from e. 2. 

Eva. Father! Mother! {Embraces them.) Oh, I'm so 
glad to see you! 

Mrs. B. My darling! [Xs to Mr. B. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 23 

Blood, Well, daughter, how are you? 

Eva, Very happy, father. Frank is very devoted to me. 

Blood. Do you hear that, Caroline? 

Mrs. B. Love is blind. Has your husband complied 
with my request? 

Eva. He has, mother, — only fancy, father, you'll never 
guess, — Frank is a Freemason. 

Blood, (horrified). What? (Goes e.) 

Mrs, B. That's my surprise, didn't I manage it splen- 
didly? 

Blood, (with forced gaiety). You don't know how de- 
lighted I am. 

Eva. You and Frank will be closer friends than ever 
now. But come, luncheon is on the table. 

[Eva and Mrs. B. start to go to EXIT e. 

Mrs. B. Come, Amos. 

Blood. You two go ahead, — I'll brush up a little, — I'll 
follow you in a second. 

Eva. Don't be too long, father. Come, mother, I have 
lots to tell you. [Mrs. B. and Eva off to dining room. 

Blood, (throzus up his hands in despair). Holy sufifering 
mackerel! If she finds out that the lodge has been a dodge 
to get out for a game of poker, — Frank a Mason, and I 
haven't the faintest idea of Masonry. He must have an 
encyclopedia, — I gave him one for his last Christmas. 
(Rushes to bookcase, — finds volume gone.) Confound it. The 
gig's up, — the volume's gone. (Sees it on table.) Oh, there 
it is, and open at the very page, — that shows how serious he 
takes it. Let's see if I can't gather a bit of information. 
(Reads.) "Has for its object the enlightenment of humanity." 
(Speaks.) Every fool knows that . (Reads.) "Sym- 
bolical forms — secret signs by which they recognize each 
other." (Speaks.) That's something 

Mrs. B. (voice outside). Come in here, Norah. 



24 ARE YOU A MASON? 

[Bloodgood quickly shuts book and puts it into its place, and 

stands zvith his back to the book-case, zvhcn Mrs, B. ENTERS, 

followed by Norah. 

Mrs. B. What are you doing here, Amos? Why don't 
you go and have your lunch? 

Blood. Going, — going, — darhng. (To door facing her, 
his hands on his back.) 

Mrs. B. Why are you hiding your hands? 

Blood, {shozving his hands). You are always so suspi- 
cious, darling. (EXIT to dining room e.) 

Norah (as if continuing). Sure, ma'am, it's the truth, — 
an' no more, Mrs. Bloodgood, it's not for the likes o' me to 
stay in a house where the master is wan o' those Freemasons. 

Mrs. B. What's wrong about that, Norah? (Sits on 
sofa L.) 

Norah. Sure, ma'am, — 'tis with the auld gentleman him- 
self they have their dealings. Are you a mason, ma'am? 
Mrs. McCarthy, the scrub woman, does be tellin' me of a 
friend o' hers what reads in a book where there was a woman 
among thim. Oi have too much respect fur ye, ma'am, to tell 
what things that woman saAv. 

Mrs. B. That must be a mistake. (Xs e.) My husband 
tells me that women are not admitted. 

Norah. That shows, ma'am, what liars they all be. The 
devil's got them in his clutches. 

Mrs. B. That'll do, Norah, Ave'll talk about it some other 
time. Now go to your work. Take this tray away. 

Norah. Yes, ma'am. (EXIT Norah e. c, zvith tray.) 
Eva, Lulu, Annie and Bloodgood ENTER from dining 

room. 

Mrs. B. Where is your husband, Eva? 

[Lulu and Annie go to sofa k. 

Eva. He went to his office, — I'll telephone down. 

Blood, (quickly). Don't disturb him, — business before 
pleasure. 

Mrs. B. You don't seem anxious to see your new brother? 



ARE YOTJ A MASON? 25 

Blood. Anxious is hardly the word, my dear, — I — er — 
er. {Up B,, sits sofa.) 

Mary. Mr. Halton for Mr. Perry. 

Eva (to door). How are you, Mr. Halton? So glad to 
see you. 

[Bloodgood heaves a sigh of relief at the announcement. 
Halton, good-natured^ jovial, stout man, rather loquacious, 
wears store clothes. 

Halton. Lookin' fine, Mrs. Perry, — how's Mr. Perry? 
Well, you deserted us last summer. 

Eva. I thought a change would do us no harm. (Intro- 
ducing.) My mother, Mrs. Bloodgood, — my father, my 
sister Annie, and Lulu, — Mr. Halton, the gentleman on 
whose farm we spent our summer last year. 

[How-do-you-do all around. 
[B. sits sofa L. 

Eva. What brings you to New York, Mr. Halton? 

[E. goes, sits head table. 

Halton. I've sold my place, and we intend settling in 
New York. (Sits l. table.) 

Eva. What does Mrs. Halton say to that? 

Halton. I did it to please my wife, — we have no children, 
and it was rather lonesome for her in the winter. She'll be 
here to-morrow, and, if you don't mind, I'll bring her up for 
a little chat. 

Eva. We shall be delighted to see her. 

Halton. We are going to enjoy life now, and I came to 
ask Mr, Perry, he's a man about town, if he wouldn't be so 
kind as to put me up at one of his clubs. 

Mrs. B. Club, — you ought to join the Freemasons, Mr. 
Halton. My husband is Grand Master of his lodge, — I'm 
sure he'll be delighted to propose you. Won't you, Amos? 

Blood. Cer — certainly, — with pleasure. 

Halton. That's capital, — I've always had the notion of 
joining, — now this is real good of you, sir. 

Blood. Of course — er — I don't know if it would do for 



26 ARE YOU A MASON? 

me to propose you, — I'm hardly in touch with masonic affairs 
in New York City. 

Eva. Well then, Frank will put you up, Mr. Halton. 

Blood, (quickly). Yes, I think that would be better. 
Frank is just the man. 

Halton. It's all the same to me. (Perry ENTERS r. 2.) 

All. There's Frank — there's Mr. Perry — where have you 
been — fEvA rises) — so long? 

[Perry is most O7ixious to avoid Bloodgood's 

eyes. Halton Xcs. l. Blood, turns away the 

moment he catches sight of Perry and examines a 

picture — his hack is turned to Perry. 

Perry. Pardon me for being absent at your arrival — 

some important business — hello, girls, awfully glad to see 

you. (He stands with his back to Blood, and looks over his 

shoiddcr to see what he is doing.) My dear mother, you are 

looking out of sight — so fresh — so young, really 

Mrs. B. Why so very amiable, Frank? 
Perry (protesting). How can I help myself — there isn't 
another woman like you in the world. (Alzvays looking over 
his shoiddcr.) 

Mrs, B. What are you looking for, Frank? 
Perry (pretending to brush some dust off his shoulder). Oh, 
nothing, a little dust on my coat. (Goes along the line, always 
keeping his back to Blood.J Hallo, Mr. Halton, I haven't 
seen you for ever so long. (Shakes hands zvith Halton. 
Eva to table.) 

Halton. You'll see enough of me in the future, I'm 
going to settle in New York, 
Perry. Is that so? 

Mrs. B. Why, Frank, won't you say how-do-you-do to 
your father-in-law? 

Eva. Father, let me introduce a new brother. (To the 
others.) Now watch them. 

[Eva and Halton Xes. to l. 
[Girls and Mrs. B, r. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 27 

Perry (with bated breath zvipes the perspiration from his 
brow. Aside.) Now for the bluff. 

Blood, (aside). I must watch what he does. (Copies 
business of zviping brow; from nozv on they watch each other 
like cats, and the slightest gesture is closely imitated by the other. 
Solemnly.) My dear brother (Shoots his cuff.) 

Perry. Master. (Same business.) 

Blood. I salute thee. (Strikes pose — one arm akimbo, the 
other in the air.) 

Perry, (s. b.) I salute thee. (Bus. fingers.) 

Blood, (opens his arms — the upstage one higher than the 
other.) My dear brother 

[Perry B., realises he has the wrong arm up, 
changes quickly. Blood, thinks he is wrong and 
quickly copies Perry. Their arms go like wind- 
mills for a fezv seconds. 

Blood. Into my arms. 

Perry (rushes into his arms). With rapture, worshipful 
master. (He pats him on the back. Blood, quickly pats 
Perry on the back.) 

Halton. How interesting. 

Mrs. B. Hush, don't interrupt them. They're working. 

Blood. Your hand, my brother. (He extends his right 
one.) 

Perry (extends his left). With all my heart. 

[Both zvithdraw the extended hand, and, thinking 
they have made a mistake, hold out the other. They 
finally hold out both hands, shake and separate again. 
Perry and Blood, rush at each other and kiss. 
Lulu and Annie zvatch zvith craned necks, when 
the men kiss they giggle — both up stage. Perry 
and Blood, pantomime, "Thank heaven, it's over." 

Mrs. B. Tell us all about your initiation. 

Eva (Bus. of chairs). Yes, do. 

[Mrs. B. and Eva push two chairs to r. and l. of 
c. for them to sit down. Halton gets chair l. 



28 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Halton (puts chair between them). That's a good idea, 
I want to get an inkling of what it is Hke when my turn 
comes. 

[Three gents sit. He copies everything they do. 

Perry (greatly embarrassed, rubs his knees with his hands 
and looks at Blood.j Er — er 

Blood, (copies bus.). Er — er — well (He scratches 

himself.) 

Perry (copies). I'm very sorry, but — er (Intuitive- 
ly.) I'm not allowed to speak about it — we are bound to 
secrecy. (Tickled that he thought of this, he slaps his legs.) 
Aren't we, master? (Bus. slaps knee.) 

Blood, (same business). Yes, brother — ^bound to secrecy. 

Halton (same business). How interesting. 

Eva (prcssingly). Why, Frank, tell us. 

Mrs. B. Give it up, Eva, you can't get anything out of 
them. 

Blood, (rises). Can't get anything out of me. (Down 
stage.) 

Perry (tickled ivith himself, rises). Nor of me. 

[Both raise their hands solemnly. 

Perry and Blood, (together). We are solemnly pledged 
to inviolable secrecy. (They shake hands.) 

Halton. I've always heard they kiss. (Bus.) 

The Women (disa^p pointed). Oh, pshaw! 

Halton. How very interesting. 

QUICK CURTAIN. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 29^ 



ACT II. 

SCENE. — Same as Act I. 

TIME.— 2 P. M. 

DISCOVERED. — When curtain rises, discovered Mrs. 
Bloodgood, Eva, Perry, Bloodgood,, 
Annie and Lulu. The men are smoking 
their cigars. 

Eva. I am glad you like New York so well, mother. 

Mrs. B. I like it better than I expected. Of course, it 
is so different from Rockfort — still, if your father should 
be able to sell out his interests there, I'd be quite willing to 
come East and settle in New York. 

Perry (quickly). New York is very unhealthy — we are 
always having epidemics of some kind here — I wouldn't 
advise any one tO' 

Eva. Nonsense, Frank, why do you frighten mother? 

Mrs. B. Don't worry, my child, I'm not so easily 
frightened. 

Blood. It wouldn't be a bad idea, but when I think of 
settling down in a big strange city, where we know nobody 
but Frank 

Mrs. B. What are you talking about, Amos? You'd 
get acquainted soon enough with your masonic connections. 

Blood, (coughs to cover his embarrassment) . Oh, yes, yes, 

of course^ (Lulu Xes., pats B. on hack, then returns to 

chair.) Thank you, my child. 

Mrs. B. And Frank being a member of the New York 
lodge would take you around. 

Eva. He would be glad to do that; wouldn't you, Frank? 
{Bus., Perry coughs, goes pats Perry on hack.) 



30 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Perry (ivith a start). Oh, cer — cer — certainly. 

Mrs, B. What an awful cough you have got. 

Perry. It's one of the epidemics I spoke of. 

Mrs. B. As far as I have been able to gather, all the 
lodges are connected to a certain extent. {Bus. Perry.) 
Aren't they, Frank? 

Perry (greatly embarrassed). Er — er — yes — with each 
other, er — one lodge is connected with the other — er — that 
is to say — it — er — sometimes happens that er — the other one 
is connected with the first one — if — er — for instance — er — 
er — (Bus. Is at the end of his tether, turns to Bloodgood.) 
I really should not venture to speak about such matters in 
the presence of our worshipful master. I am quite a new 
member of the Brotherhood, — I am sure father-in-law can 
explain the matter more lucidly than I could. 

[Bloodgood starts, drops his cigar — bends for 
it and remains down to cover his embarrassment. 

Lulu (rises). What is the meaning of the word lodge — 
what is its derivation? 

Perry. Er — er — (Points to Bloodgood.) Father, — 
explain to Lulu. 

Blood. You see — er — it is very hard to explain it in a 
few words. Er — ^the meaning of a lodge — er — er — rather by 
the word lodge, is meant — er — er — a conception of the idea — 
er — in connection with it — er — with it all. That's it. (Leans 
back.) 

Mrs. B. Say that again, Amos. I didn't quite under- 
stand. 

Blood. Didn't you? Er — I can't make it any plainer, 
my dear, — you understood me, Frank, didn't you ? (Scratches 
his head.) 

Perry (scratches his head). Of course, — I don't see how 
anybody could misunderstand, you put it so plainly, so com- 
prehensively. 

Blood. Thank you, Frank. (Rises — salutes.) 

Mrs. B. Now tell me — either of you — 



ARE YOU A MASON? 31 

Mary {announces). Mr. Halton. 

[Perry goes around sofa r., to meet Halton. 
Bloodgood meets him from r. 

GOO 

Perry. Halton. Blood. 
[Perry and Blood, both heave a deep sigh of 
relief. 

Blood, and Perry. So glad you've come. 
Halton ENTERS. 

Halton. Good afternoon, everybody. 

Perry {on one side shakes his hand effusively). So glad 
you came. {Goes around sofa, sits chair r.) 

Blood, {on other side). My dear sir, how are you, how 
are you? {Shakes his other hand.) 

Halton. Ouch! {Frees himself.) Gentlemen, you are 
very kind, how are the ladies? Seen any of the sights of 
New York? {As he shakes hands with them.) Nice little 
village, isn't it? Always something going on. 

Lulu. There is so much to see, one never knows where 
to turn first. 

Annie. And all the people in the streets, — I am so afraid 
of the cable cars 

[Blood, trying to sneak. Mrs. B. motions 
Halton to sit down. Perry is c. r. 

Halton {as he turns he sees Blood.). Well, Mr. Blood- 
good, how are you getting on? 

Blood. Oh, first-rate, thank you. {Tries to sneak l. 
Comes back — remains behind sofa.) 

Halton. I mean about my admission to the lodge. {Xes 
^•) [Perry tries to sneak. 

Halton {sits on sofa). Mr. Perry, you are going to second 
me, aren't you ? {Goes i..) 

Perry. Oh, yes — second you, — second you with pleasure. 

Mrs. B. You ought to have easy sailing with my husband 
as sponsor. {Sits on sofa l.) 



33 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Eva. Not to forget Frank. (Sits on sofa l.) 

Perry (behind Eva's chair). Er — well, you see, my dear, 
it is not quite as easy as you seem to think. When a fellow 
comes along and applies for admission, he's got to go through 
a number of probationary ordeals. 

Blood, (who has listened attentively, aside). I'll have to 
remember that. 

Perry. Isn't that so, father? 

Blood. Oh, yes, everything depends on the probation. 
Not every man can stand it. Am I not right, Frank? 

Perry. Quite right, father, — many a chap fails to qualify. 

Halton. It is as hard as all that? 

Blood. Yes. 

Perry. Harder! 

Blood. Worse ! 

Eva (pats him lovingly). I can testify to that. Poor 
Frank looked a wreck after he got through. (Sits.) 

Mrs. B. Well, Mr. Halton seems to have a strong con- 
stitution. What Frank and your father could do, won't 
prove too much for him. 

Halton. Quite right, — I can stand a few knocks, — so 
hurry up, gentlemen, and put me up. Let's go to work 
while the iron is hot. 

[Blood, rises up stage. Blood, and Perry 
up stage throw up their hands in despair. 

Mary (announces). Mr. Travers. (Oif.) 

[Perry up to r. e. 

Travers (entering). Pardon me for dropping in so un- 
ceremoniously, ladies — (Bows.) Mr. Perry, we are going 
to have a benefit to-morrow night, — knowing you as a patron 
of the house, — I took the liberty of reserving Box C for you. 

[Perry is stunned at sight of Travers. 

Mrs. B. (suspiciously). A patron of the house? Box C? 
What does that mean, Frank? 

Perry (greatly embarrassed). Oh, er — that is very simple. 



ARE YOTJ A MASON? 33 

(Aside to Travers.) Say ''yes" to everything I say, and I'll 
give you ten. 

Travers. Go ahead. (Holds out his hand behind his back.) 

Eva. Won't you introduce the gentleman, Frank? 

Perry. Er — ahem — this is Mr. Hamfathers, Travers 
Ham, I mean Mr. Travers — Hamilton, — one of the shining 
lights of our stage. [Travers bows. 

Lulu. How interesting. 

Annie (to Lulu). I wonder if he knows George? 

Perry. He's a member of our lodge. 

Travers. Yes. 

Mrs. B. What was that about Box C? 

Perry. Why, that's plain enough. 

Travers. As plain as the sunlight of heaven. (Bits.) 

Perry. You see, it's like this. On — er — special occa- 
sions, the members assemble in the grand ballroom of the 
lodge, which has a tier of boxes, just the same as at the 
Opera, — now these are the tickets for the members who are 
to sit in Box C. 

Travers. Yes, the boxes are marked with the letters of 
the alphabet. 

Perry (aside to Travers). Shut up, — you are simply to 
say "yes." 

Travers. Yes. 

Perry. This is a special celebration and — er — the usual 
custom of our lodge. Isn't it, father? 

Blood, (embarrassed, rises). Yes, every member has a 
seat — in — er — in which — in which he sits. 

Travers. Yes. 

Eva. I suppose the members have lots of fun in the 
boxes? 

Travers. I could tell you a thing or twO' about — 
Perry (breaks in). Have a cigar, Travers. (Bus. 
Pokes it into his mouth — cigar.) 

Mrs. B. I suppose my son-in-law was a frequent atten- 
dant during the last four weeks? 



34 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Travers. Oh, nearly every evening. 

Perry. Why don't you hght your cigar? {Strikes match 
for him.) 

Eva (fondly). Poor Frank, every evening. 

Travers. We've had a very attractive bill of late. 

Perry (enraged — pokes him in the ribs). Smoke, or your 
cigar will go out. (Aside.) Damn you, smoke up or there'll 
be a tragedy. [Travers puffs out big volumes of smoke. 

Mrs. B. I suppose you are a Freemason of long standing? 

[EXIT B. to music room. Blood, at zvord of 
Freemason sneaks into music room. 

Travers (takes cigar out of his mouth). Free — ? 

Perry. Mason. (Aside to Travers.) Smoke. Yes, of 
very long standing. You must excuse Mr. Travers now, I 
know he is always hard pressed for time. Go on, Travers, 
don't let us detain you. 

Travers. I have nothing to do. It is a real pleasure to 
me to find myself in such congenial company. 

Mrs. B. (graciously). As a rule I am not very partial to 
members of your profession, — but you seem so different — 
(With a side glance at Annie.) [Annie sighs. 

Travers. There are actors and actors. 

Perry (aside to Travers). If you don't do the vanishing 
act, I'll kick you downstairs. 

Travers (aside). I'll get even with you for this. 

Perry. Mr. Travers just remembers a rehearsal he has 
to attend. (Pokes him in the ribs. Takes Travers up stage.) 

Travers. I must tear myself away, ladies, allow me to 
lay my most respectful homage at your feet. (Declaims. 
Comes down c.) 

Oh, woman, in our hour of ease. 
Uncertain, coy, and hard to please. 
When pain and anguish wrings the brow, 
A ministering angel thou. 



ARE YOTJ A IVLASON? 35 

Eva. He has so much feehng. ^ 

Mrs. B. Splendid — bravo. | ,„ ,7 • x 

T c u 1 1 • ^ (Together.) 

Lulu. Such a lovely voice. ' 

Halton. He reminds me of Booth. 

[Travers bows. 

Mrs. B. Let's hear some more, Mr. Travers. 

Travers {laying aside his hat. Bits. hat). With pleasure. 
"The boy stood " 

Perry (aside to Travers). If you don't go now, you 
don't get the ten, 

Travers (grabs his hat — Xes r.). Some other time — 
ladies — I must be going. 

Annie. Won't you come back after your rehearsal? 

Eva. Yes, do, Mr. Travers, — you can tell us something 
about your meetings. 

[Perry is so enraged he is ready to climb up 
the wall. 

Travers (gloating). With pleasure, ladies. (Elaborate 
bow.) Au revoir^, see you later, Brother Perry. (Pantomime 
"you ozve me ten" — EXITS. Bus. of sign.) 

Mrs. B. (to the others.) Did you see that — a masonic sign. 

Lulu. I wonder if he wrote that poem himself? 

Eva. I suppose so, — oh, they have very intelligent men 
for their members of the lodge. 

Halton. I am more anxious than ever to join. Now 
tell me, Mr. Perry — (Rise — catch Blood.) 

Perry (quickly). I'm sorry, but you'll have to excuse me, 
I must go to my office. 

Eva. This is Saturday, — don't you close at twelve? 

ENTER Blood. 

Perry. Of course, but I must see if everything is properly 
locked up. (Blood, pokes his head in. Perry sees him.) 
My father-in-law will give you all the information you desire, 
Mr. Halton. Good afternoon. (EXITS.) 

Blood, (aside). Confound it. (With forced amiability.) 
What is it you wish to know? (Going to Halton.) 



36 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Halton. As far as these probationary ordeals are con- 
cerned, I'm not afraid of them. 

Blood. You are not. {Solemnly.) My dear sir, if you 
wish to join the worthy fellowship of our order, you must 
obey the commands of your superior without a question. 

Halton. You'll find me ready, Master. 

Blood. Good. Then, go this instant to Brooklyn 
Bridge, run across three times, — yes run, you must run all 
the way, and come back here. 

Halton. What! Run from 36th street to Brooklyn 
Bridge — on a day like this? 

Blood. If you are afraid of such a trifle, how do you 
expect to stand the other tests? 

Halton. Must I run all the way? 

Blood. Yes, run all the way — via — loth Avenue, and 
count every step. 

Halton {down in the mouth). All right, I'm ready. 
Obedience is the first duty of a Freemason, ladies — Master. 
{Bus. Starts oif on a trot, counting.) One — two — three, etc. 
{EXITS R. 2.) 

[Blood, rubs his hands and chuckles to himself. 

Mrs. B. You needn't have been so hard on the poor 
fellow — 

Blood, {zvith dignity). My dear Caroline — you must 
allow me to be the judge of that. I am a Mason. You are 
not. {Starts for door — winks eye behind Mrs. B.'s back before 
he EXITS R. I.) 

Mrs. B. {rises). Come with me one of you girls, and help 
me unpack my trunk. 

Eva. I'll help you, mother. {Goes zvith Mrs. B.) 

[Lulu and Annie look up the moment the door 
closes. 

Annie. I've got something to tell you, Lou. ) ,_ , 

. > Together. 

Lulu. I've something to tell you, Annie. ( 

[Both laugh. 

Annie. Who tells first? 



ARE YOU A MASON? 37 

Lulu. You. 

Annie. I saw George on the street yesterday, — he bowed, 
I saw mother was not looking-, and I returned his bow. 

Lulu. Is that all? 

Annie. That's all. 

Lulu. I've better news than that. I've had a letter from 
Ernest, — he's going to call on pops this afternoon, and if 
he says "yes," we are going to get married in six weeks. 

Annie. I wonder what's to become of poor George and 
me? 

Lulu. Wait until I get married, — Ernest and I will fix 
it all right. You'll stay with us, and George can come to see 
you every day. How's that? 

Annie. Oh, sis, you're a darling. 

Mary ENTERS r. 2. 

Mary. Mr. Morrison wishes to see Mr. Bloodgood, Miss. 

Lulu {quickly — rise). Show him in here, Mary, I'll tell 
father. [Annie Xes l. 

Mary {talking out). This way, please. {Lets Morrison 
ENTER, and EXITS.) 

Morrison {zvaits for Mary's exit, then rushes over to 

Lulu). My darling, — my sweetheart, — my dearest 

{Covers her with kisses.) 

Lulu {smothered). Ernest — Ernest — {Frees herself.) 
Mother will think a cyclone has struck me. 

MoR. {sees Annie). I beg your pardon, Miss Bloodgood. 

Annie. Don't mind me, I'm in the secret. 

MoR. Are you? {Tries to grab Lulu again.) 

Annie. Stop! Do have some consideration for me. 

Lulu. She's right, — poor sis, it isn't quite fair. 

MoR. {to Annie). One more kiss, Lulu. Turn round, 
sis. 

Annie {makes a face and turns). All right, but hurry and 
be done. 

[Lulu and Mor. embrace and kiss — they remain 
in each other's arms until 



38 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Mrs. B. (appears in the doorivay r. 2, and screams.) Oh! 
Lulu! 
Annie. Oh! 



Tv/r ^1 I -- Together. 
Lulu. Mother! 

Mrs. B. (^0 Lulu). What is the meaning of this? (To 
MoR.) How dare you, sir? (Xes l.) 

Mor. (quite embarrassed). My dear Mrs. Bloodgood — 

Mrs. B. Have the goodness to explain. 

Lulu. We met during our last visit East, — it is Ernest — 

Mrs. B. So am I. (Going to Lulu.) In dead "ernest." 
I am shocked, — positively shocked, — yoti ought to be 
ashamed of yourself. 

Annie. Mother, dear — 

Mrs. B. Yott. ought to be ashamed for looking on. 

Mor. My dear madame — you ought to be ashamed. 

Mrs. B. And yott, sir, leave the house this very instant — 
(Xes to Mor. Points to door.) 

Mor. If you insist, of course, I must go, but before 
leaving, permit me to tell you the purpose of my visit. 

Mrs. B. I won't listen to another word. (Goes r., Mor. 
follows.) 

Mor. I came to ask for Lulu's hand. 

Mrs. B. (surprised). Lulu's hand? (Very graciously.) My 
dear sir, won't you be seated, — I'm so glad to meet you. 
(Forces him into a chair.) 

Mor. (sits r.) Then I may hope? 

[Mrs. B. sits chair l. table. 

Mrs. B. Of course you may. (Sits on chair r.) Naturally 
there are certain formalities to be observed, — we don't know 
anything about you, — I'm sure you won't object to Mr. 
Bloodgood's making some inquiries about you — (Up to 
Mor.) Your antecedents 

Annie (mokes a face and nudges Lulu). That's what 
queered George. 

Lulu. I don't see the necessity of that, mother. (Annie 
to c.) I love him, and I know he'll make me a good husband. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 39 

Mrs. B, Hush, child, you don't know how necessary this 
is, — you agree with me^ don't you, Mr. — er — 

MoR. Morrison, Madame. You are quite right. I shall 
be glad to refer you to a number of people with whom I have 
had business connection for years, — besides you can inquire 
at the Masonic lodge to which I belong. 

Mrs. B. (agreeably surprised). Are you a Mason? That 
is very nice, indeed, — my husband is a Mason, too. 

MoR. Indeed? 

Mrs. B. (proudly). Yes, he is grand master of his lodge. 

MoR. Oh, really? 

Mrs. B. And so is my son-in-law, Mr. Perry, — you must 
have met him at your lodge, — to be sure, he has been admitted 
only recently. 

MoR. I have not been able to attend the meetings very 
regularly of late, that may account for my not knowing him 
as a member, — but I am delighted to hear it. He's a very 
dear friend of mine. I dare say, you will attend the ladies' 
reception to-morrow evening? 

Lulu. Of course we will. 

Mrs. B. Do you admit ladies to your meetings? 

MoR. Not to the regular meetings, but we have a ladies' 
day every year. 

Mrs. B. Strange — my husband never told me. 

MoR. It may be different out in Illinois. I am sure you 
will spend a pleasant evening. There will be speeches — 

Annie. I don't care much for that, — are they going to 
dance? 

MoR. That, too^ — we will have music, recitations 

Mrs. B. That will be Annie's chance, — she's a very pretty 
reciter. 

MoR. (gallantly). We welcome talent from every quarter. 

[Mor. rises. 

Mrs. B. (breaking out). I'm afraid we can't go, girls — 
(Rises.) We have no dresses. 

Annie. We'll fix that all right, ma. (Girls go to mother. 



40 ARE YOTJ A MASON? 

They get in front of Mor.) We can wear our light gray 
with the heUotrope sleeves. 

Mrs. B. It's too tight, I can't hook it. 

Lulu. Then wear your green silk princess 1 
with the duchess lace. 



To ^ethef- 
Annie. Why can't you wear the brown dress ^ 



with the butterflies, that's all the style. 

[These tzuo speeehcs together to Mrs. B. 

Mor. {has risen during the eonversation, he is bozving and 
trying to say good-bye). Ladies — 

Mrs. B. (zuithont notieing). What are you going to wear? 

Annie. I can wear my nun's veiling, or the pink, perhaps 
the baby blue, which is cut a little low, would be better for 
the occasion. 

Lulu. I think my white peau de sole with the blue pipings 
is very becoming, — I can, if necessary, liven it up with a few 
flowers. (Mor. goes to other side of stage.) I can't hook it. 
(Mor. then goes c.) 

Mrs. B. All right, girls, but we haven't a moment to lose. 
{turns around.) Where is Mr. Morrison? {Sees him, Xes to 
him.) You must really excuse us, my dear Mr. Morrison, 
but, you know, when ladies get talking dresses 

Annie. He'd better get used to that. 

Lulu. Oh, Ernest, does not mind, do you? 

Mor. Certainly not, — but you are engaged on important 
business, — I won't detain you now. 

Mrs. B. Come back later in the afternoon, — meanwhile, 
I'll speak to my husband. 

Lulu {embracing Mrs. B.). Oh, you darling. {Xes, 
kisses one another.) 

Mor. Then, with your permission, I'll come back, — 
ladies — {He and Lulu kiss on the quiet — then EXITS, bus. — 
motions Lulu to follozv. Kiss.) 

Annie {talks to Mrs. B. to cover iip the kissing. Both go l.). 
We must look our best, mother, — these New Yorkers shall 
see that we from the "West" have some notion of style. 



ARE YOIT A MASOH? 41 

Mrs. B. We'll ask Eva, — she'll tell us where we can get 
what we need. I can't wear any of my old dresses. 

Annie. We'll pull you into them, mother. 

Mrs. B. (going to door, calls). Eva. Eva. Come here a 
moment. 

Eva (calls back). All right, mother. (Comes on.) Well, 
what is it? 

Lulu. Just think, there is a grand ladies' reception at 
the lodge to-morrow evening. 

Mrs. B. I consider it very remarkable that Frank never 
so much as hinted it, — did you know anything about it? 

Eva. Not a word, but perhaps he wanted to surprise us. 

Mrs. B. Surprises are all very well, when they don't in- 
volve dresses. How under the sun are v^ie to get anything 
to wear? 

Eva (gaily). Why, mother, you forget you are in New 
York, and not in Rockford. You can buy a whole trous- 
seau in less than an hour. 

Mrs. B. We must make some sort of a showing if we go, 
we owe that to your father, the Grand Master. I leave it all 
to you, Eva, that the girls are fixed nicely. 

Annie. You are a trump, mother. [Girls go to mother. 

Lulu. You're an angel, ma. [These two speeches together. 
[They embrace Mrs. B. Perry ENTERS r. 2. 

Eva (shakes her finger at him roguishly). You bad boy! 
Why didn't you tell us? 

Perry. Tell you what? 

Annie. Look at his guilty face. 

Mrs. B. (sternly). I don't know what to think of you, 
Frank. (Xes to Perry.) Why this playing hide and seek 
with us? Why didn't you tell us? 

Annie. Mr. Morrison, who is a Mason, was here and 
told us. 

Perry (crestfallen). Did he? 

Mrs. B. You might have shown a little more considera- 
tion. 



42 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Perry (crushed, ready to eon f ess). My dear Eva, — mother. 
I confess, I am not a 

Mrs. B. (breaks in). Don't try to excuse yourself, — it's 
all very well for you men, you get your dress suits out of the 
closets, and that ends it. 

Perry (perplexed). Dress suit? What do you mean? 

Mrs. B. What I say. I don't know how we are going 
to manage. (Goes r.) 

Eva (Xes to mother). Oh, don't worry, mother — (Up 
stage zuith mother.) Everything will be all right, we have 
plenty of time. 

Perry (feeling his zuay). Why, of course you have — take 
my word for it. 

Eva. Will you do me a favor, Frank? 

Perry. Yes 

Eva. Then go around to Madame Jolivet's, — I have an 
account there, and tell them to send us up some evening 
dresses, — and charge them, — I'll give you the sizes. 

Perry. May I ask what the occasion is? 

Mrs. B. All you have to do is to go to Madame — what's her 
name, send the things up, and foot the bill, — that shall be 
your punishment. [Eva and Mrs. B. up stage. 

Annie. We are all going. (Daneing.) 

Perry (still at sea). Why, of course 

Lulu. Are you going to dance with me, Frank? 

Perry. Where? Why, certainly. 

Eva. Oh^ give it up, Frank, — you intended to surprise us, 
but now the secret is out, — Mr. Morrison told us about the 
reception at your lodge to-morrow evening. (Xes R.) 

Perry. Is that all he told you? 

Mrs. B. Was there anything more to tell? 

Perry (quickly). Oh, no, no. (Has himself in hand nozv.) 
I am going to give Morrison a piece of my mind. He came 
ver}^ near spoiling everything. 

Eva. Don't quarrel with him, dear, he meant it well. 

Lulu. You must be very nice to him when he comes. 
(Goes to mother.) 



ARE YOXT A MASON? 43 

Perry (zvorried). Is he coming back? 

Mrs. B. (goes across stage). Yes, later in the afternoon. 
Come, girls, we'll have our hands full to get ready. Eva 
will give you a list of the things we want, (Takes girls across 
stage. EXEUNT r. i.) [Perry goes r. 

Eva. Don't look so cross, — we'll make ourselves look 
beautiful, — father and you will be proud of us. (Kisses him — 
they all EXIT r. i e.) 

Perry (alone). Father — will, Frankie, your goose is 
cooked. I don't know where I am any more, — I guess I'd 
better make a clean breast of it to the old man, and throw 
myself upon his mercy. But first I must brace up for the 
ordeal. (He goes into dining room where he is seen mixing a 
drink for himself.) 

Blood, (from r. i). I'm afraid Frank knows about my 
little dodge. (Goes to l.) He looked at me very suspiciously 
when the women folks talked about the lodge. I think it 
would be a wise move to take him into my confidence before 
the inevitable crash comes. 

Perry (with high hall). Oh father, have a drink. 

Blood. No, thank you, Frank — er — my dear Frank — I 
don't call you brother because^ 

Perry (good naturedly). Yes, let's drop the brother. 

Blood. Quite right, let us drop the "brother." 

Perry (laughs). Oh, you've noticed 

Blood. Yes, I've noticed that 

Perry. That I'm not a brother, — I thought so 

(Drinks.) 

Blood, (quickly turns azvay to hide his surprise). What? 

Perry. Thank heaven it is out. I had promised Eva to 
join, but unfortunately I forgot all about it. I was afraid 
she would be angry, so I let her think I had joined. (He 
puts his glass on table and turns his hack to Blood.) 

[Blood, laughs to himself, htit the moment 
Perry turns, he faces him sternly. 
(Laughingly.) Imagine my dismay when you appeared on 



44 ABE YOU A MASON? 

the scene — ha — ha — ha — {Sits donni. The laugh dies on his 
face as he looks at Blood, r. up stage.) 

Blood. You had good reason to be dismayed, I noticed 
the deception from the start. I didn't say anything- because 
I wanted to see how far you would go. 

Perry (rises, goes up to B.). It was a harmless fib. I'm 
going to make an application for admission to-morrow. (Up 
and doivn stage.) 

Blood, (quickly). Don't you dare. I shall use all my 
influence to keep you out of it. 

Perry. I didn't think you'd take it that way, father. 

Blood. What right had you to think I'd take it any other 
way? You ought to be ashamed of yourself. (Takes stage.) 
Masonry is built on truth, — the least deception is foreign to 
the ethics of the order. 

Perry. All right, then — I won't join, but for heaven's 
sake, don't tell mother, or she'll never lend me the 20,000. 
(Takes stage r.) 

Blood. Do you mean to imply, sir, that my wife holds 
the purse strings? You won't get the money now under 
any circumstances. 

Perry. But, my dear father-in-law 

Blood. (Xes to r.). I'm sick of this business, — and don't 
you dare to apply for admission, — do you hear me, sir? 

Perry (sits doivn zvearily). You are speaking loud 
enough. 

Blood. That's all right. Don't you dare. (IVinks his 
eye, aside.) Am I a Mason? (EXITS r. i.) 

Perry. I'll never tell the truth again. 

F1SB.F.R (cotters quickly). Hello, Frank. Where's Annie? 

Perry. In there. 

Fisher. Couldn't I see her for a moment? 

Perry. No, the old lady is around. You got me into a 
nice hole. ^ 

Fisher. I? How's that? Didn't you tell your wife you 
were a Mason? 



ARE YOTJ A MASON? 45 

Perry. I did — and so far so good, — I got on swimmingly, 
bvit just then the Grand Master turned up with the whole 
family, 

Fisher. I say, that is funny. (Sits down and laughs.) 

Perry. Don't laugh. You might lose control of your 
face. (Sits on table.) 

Fisher. So the old fellow found you out? 

Perry. I was getting tangled up more and more every 
minute, — so I decided to make a clean breast of it tO' him. 
(Goes L.) 

Fisher. Didn't the humor of the situation strike him? 

Perry. Evidently not, — he read me the riot act, and 
lectured me like a school boy. The worst of all is, that the 
money I counted on, is as good as gone. 

Fisher. That's too bad. 

Perry. I don't know what I'm going to do. (Rises and 
goes to door.) 

Fisher. Where are you going? (Rises, goes to Perry 
around sofa.) 

Perry. I promised to go^ to Madame Jolivet's and tell them 
to send up some things for the girls. (Stops.) No, can't 
leave the house. I have to lay in wait for that fellow Morri- 
son. Won't you go for me, George? Fll get you the list of 
things. 

Fisher (thoughtfully). Wait a second, — wait, — didn't you 
say Madame Jolivet's? 

Perry. They are in a hurry. 

Fisher. Wait, I say, — I have it. Frank, I got you into 
this hole, Fll pull you out again. 

Perry. A new scheme? 

Fisher. A great one. Listen, didn't you tell me yes- 
terday morning of some youthful indiscretion of the old 
man's? Some woman who was supposed tO' have committed 
suicide on his account? 

Perry. Yes, — Angelina, — what of it? 

Fisher. Now, supposing a daughter of the long 
mourned Angelina turned up? You are the sole possessor 



46 ABE YOU A MASON? 

of the secret, — wouldn't the old man be like a piece of putty- 
in your hands? 

Perry (enthusiastically). By jingo, you are right. (Xes to 
R. Dozvnhearted again.) No, — no, I can't enter into your 
new scheme, — my nerve is all gone. 

Fisher. I shan't need you, all you'll have to do is to 
arrange a meeting between the old man and the girl. 

Perry. But the girl? Where are you going to get the 
girl? 

Fisher. She stands before you. 

Perry. You ? 

Fisher. Charley's Aunt. I shall summon up all my his- 
trionic ability, so long dormant, and play upon his guilty 
conscience until the necessary cash is forthcoming. Fanchon 
Armitage 

Perry. Oh, the girl at Madame Jolivet's? 

Fisher. A very disinterested young person, — for a per- 
centage of the gross, she will lend us a helping hand. (Goes l.) 

Perry (with enthusiasm). George, — Fm yours for life if 
you can see me through successfully. 

Fisher. That's all right, my boy. By the way, have you 
a photo of Angelina's faithless lover, in his younger days? 

Perry (taking a picture from mantel). Here is one. 

Fisher. I can't say much for Angelina's taste, — however, 
— it will answer my purpose. (Pockets it.) Fm off now, — 
there's not a second to be lost. (To general entrance.) 

Perry. Wait for me downstairs, — Fll get the Hst. 

Fisher. Come, let's hurry up. 

\_Both off R. 2 — Perry EXITS dining 2. 
Bloodgood enters zvith hat and cane. 

Blood. The young rascal! Passes himself off as a 
Mason, hein? I wonder how he ever hit upon that dodge, — 
I thought it was original with me. Well, it takes a clever 
fellow to keep it up for twenty years. (To general entrance.) 

Mrs. B. (r. i). Wait a minute, Amos. I have something 
important to tell you. 



ARE YOU A MASOlSr? 47 

Blood. Well? (Down around sofa r.) 

Mrs. B. a young man has been here, — he proposed to 



Lulu- 



Blood. You don't say so 

Mrs. B. He seemed a very nice and steady young man — 

Blood. That's good, — for, I am sorry to say, the young 
men nowadays are of little account as a whole. 

Mrs. B. (sneermgly). Indeed? What about the young 
men of your time? 

Blood, (evasively). What do you mean? 

Mrs. B. Remember Angelina! 

Blood. For heaven's sake^ Caroline, let the poor creature 
rest in peace. Who is your prospective son-in-law, — ^^what 
is he? 

Mrs. B. I haven't had any chance to make enquiries. 
His name is Morrison, — he told me that he is an architect. 
The one thing greatly in his favor is that he is a Mason. 
(Takes stage — goes r.) 

Blood, (startled — drops his hat behind the sofa). A Mason? 
(Forgets himself.) That won't do! (Goes to Mrs. B.) 

Mrs. B. What won't do? 

Blood, (trying to get out of it). Er — let me see, — Morri- 
son, — Morrison, — did you say Morrison was his name? 

Mrs. B. Do you know him? 

Blood. No, — but — er — I did happen to hear that he was 
rather fast, — although perhaps that wouldn't make any dif- 
ference. 

Mrs. B. (sarcastically). Oh, it wouldn't, eh? 

Blood. A young fellow has to sow his wild oats, — he'll 
be all right after he gets married, and 

Mrs. B. (excited). I beg to differ with you on that point! 

Blood. I think he was named as co-respondent in a 
divorce case, — but that does not concern us. I guess he's 
all right otherwise. 

Mrs. B. Is he, indeed? So, you suppose for one moment 
that I am going to trust my daughter's happiness to a man 
like that? (Takes stage l.) 



48 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Blood. Come, come, Caroline, — we can't all be saints. 
I dare say he is a nice enough young fellow. 

Mrs. B, How dare you take his part? Of course, a dis- 
solute fellow like that would suit you for a son-in-law. What 
a nice companion he would be, if you choose to go back to 
your old ways. (Xes R.) I'll tell Lulu, at once, to put that 
reprobate out of her head. 

Blood, (uneasily — Bus. — holding to Mrs. B). Break it 
gently to her, Caroline. 

Mrs. B. I know exactly how to break it to her. (EXITS 

R. I.) 

Blood, (laughs). That settles Morrison. (Calls.) Caro- 
line! (Follozvs her.) 

No RAH ENTERS, follozvcd by Travers. 

Travers. Take my name to the ladies, fair Delilah. 

^NoRAH. I'll not thank you for callin' me names, sorr! 
(Travers Xes l.) Norah's me name. 

Travers. A very charming name, my dear. Should Mr. 
Perry happen to be in, tell him I'm calling on business about 
the lodge. 

NoRAH (drazvs away from him). Are ye one o' them 
ruffians, too? (Running off r. 2 in terror.) 
Perry ENTERS brightly from music room — sees Travers. 

Perry. You here again! (Curtly.) 

Travers. The ladies were good enough to ask me to call 
soon again, — and, as a gentleman, I had to respond to a wish 
expressed by such charming lips 

Perry (quite loud). Enough of that tomfoolery, — get out 
of here, or, by Jove 

Travers. My dear brother Perry, this is scarcely frater- 
nal con 

Mrs. Bloodgood ENTERS zvith Annie and Eva. 
Mrs. B. What's all this noise here? Oh, Mr. Travers! 

[Eva behind sofa. 
Annie. So glad you came ! 



ARE YOTJ A MASON? 49 

Eva. We were going- to ask my husband to send for you. 

Travers (to Perry). Do you hear that? (To the ladies.) 
You were really too kind ! 

Mrs. B. What brings you back so soon? 

Travers. Er — some business connected with the lodge — 
er — yes — I am taking up a collection — some charity — 

Mrs. B. I hope my son-in-law will distinguish himself as 
a new member by a large contribution. 

Travers. We just had some words on that account. 
(Eva Xes to desk.) Brother Perry insisted upon giving $ioo 
— I argued it was too much 

Mrs. B. Not for such a worthy charity. 

Travers. Oh, well, madam, if you think so — (To 
Perry.) Well, Brother Perry, write out a check for a 
hundred. 

Eva. Sit down here, Frank. (Pointing to desk.) 

Perry (as he passes Travers, aside). This is blackmail 
you scoundrel! (To desk — writes check.) 

Travers (aside). My revenge. " " "'■ ] 

[Perry writes check — Eva stands behind him — 
Mrs. B. goes sits sofa l. 

Annie. Mr. Travers, I have a great favor to ask of you. 
Mama wants me to recite something at the reception to- 
morrow evening. 

Mrs. B. And we thought you might help us out with 
your experience. 

Travers (comes down c). I am your man, madam. A 
recitation? Wouldn't you rather do something a little better 
— a little sketch — or playlet, as they call it on the vaudeville 
bills? 

Annie. Oh, that would be delightful! Do you think I 
-could do it? [Mrs. B. sits l. sofa 

Travers. Certainly. (Goes to Annie.) I have a little 
play in my pocket, — it has not been produced yet, — it is at 
your disposal, — we might run through the lines. 

Annie. Oh, charming! 



50 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Mrs. B. What is the title? 

[Annie and Mrs. B. sit — Mrs. B. sofa l. 

Travers. "The Last High-ball." 

Annie (laughs). A comedy? 

Mrs. B. What is the plot? 

Travers. There is a wife who is in the habit of taking 
stimulants, and her husband is trying to break her of it. The 
play has a very good moral. Will you be kind enough to get 
me a bottle of fine old rye and some devilled kidneys. 

Perry. What's that for? 

Travers. A prop — props are essential at rehearsals. 

Eva. We have some old whiskey — but I'm afraid we have 
no devilled kidneys in the house, Mr. Travers. 

Travers. Too bad, — the devilled kidneys are the biggest 
laugh in the comedy, — however — I may be able to make a 
couple of club sandwiches go. 

Perry. Where do you think you are? At Dennet's? 

Eva. ril get it for you. (Off into dining room.) 

Travers. Ah, thank you, madam, the dark meat, if you 
please. Don't bother me, brother. Now this is the stage — 
(Points to audience — Bns.) There is the audience, — here the 
manuscript. You play Mary, the young wife, — Pll be 
Charley, the husband 

Annie (looking into MSS.). It says here "an idiot." 

Travers. Ah — (Points to Perry.) You are the idiot! 

Perry (jumps up — ENTER Eva in the hack). What's 
that? (Comes to c.) 

Travers (explaining). A lunatic, — a chap crazed by exces- 
sive drink. 

Perry. That's in your line, — why don't you play it? 

Travers. I'm Charley. 

Mrs. B. and Eva. Come, Frank, — just for the fun of it. 

Perry (resigned). All right. What do you want me to 
do. (Gnashes his teeth at Travers.) 

Travers. Splendid! Wonderful! You are "it." 

Annie (laughs). I never thought you could make such a 
stupid face, Frank. 



ARE YOIT A MASON? 6l 

Mrs. B. It looks so natural. 

Perry {furiously). I want to know what I've got to do? 

Travers. Just stick to that tone, — you are a born actor. 
Now, you hide behind the screen — {Points to desk.) There's 
the screen, — oh, the check, — I nearly forgot — {Puts it in 
his pocket.) So, now you are behind the screen, — you watch 
me drink, and get mad. 

Perry. I'm so mad I could {Starts c.) 

Travers. You are all right. Now, then, let us begin. 
(6"^^^ chair r. — pottrs out a stiff drink.) You have the first line, 
Miss Bloodgood. "Come, Charley, have a drink " 

Annie {amateurishly). "Come, Charley, have a drink — " 
{Bus.) 

Travers. I will. {Drinks and reflUs glass.) Very good, 
— but pardon me. Miss Bloodgood, doesn't it say: "have 
another drink" in the manuscript? 

Annie {looks into book). Oh, yes, — "come, Charley, have 
another drink." 

Travers. I will. {Drinks and refills again.) Very good. 
But you ought to emphasize the word "drink" a little more. 

Annie. "Drink!" [Travers drinks and refills. 

Perry {angrily). I say, leave some whiskey in that glass — 

Travers. Not a bit like it! You ought to be mad. 

Perry. I am mad! I am ready for a lunatic asylum! 
{Comes to c.) 

Travers. That's it — my boy, — ^that's it! 

NoRAH ENTERS. 

NoRAH. Two ladies from the store, ma'am. 

Mrs. B. At last. 

Annie. Our things. {Rises.) 

Eva. We must try them on at once. Will you excuse 
us, Mr. Travers? 

Travers. Certainly, ladies, — I'll call again to-morrow 
for a dress rehearsal. [Mrs. B., Eva and Annie EXIT r. 2. 

Perry. If you ever set foot in my house again, I'll 
murder you ! 



52 ARE YOU A MASON? 



Travers. But my dear brother- 



Perry. If you don't get out, I'll hit you — 

Travers. I always knew you was not a gentleman, — 
good evening, sir. {Bus. EXIT r. 2.) 

NoRAH (from r. j). Misses wants the ladies from the 
store to wait here. (To r. 2.) Come in here and make 
yersilves comfortable until the missus wants ye. 

[Fisher and Fanchon Armitage — dressed 
exactly alike. Norah off r. 2. Both sit on 
sofa L. ENTER Perry and slaps Fanchon 
on shoidder. 

Perry (laughingly, as he slaps Fanchon on back.) By 
Jove, George, you look great! 

Fanchon (gives a little scream). Oh, Monsieur! 

Fisher, Don't you know a woman when you see one, 
you silly ass? 

Perry (looks from one to another). No? Well, that beats 
me! 

Fan. Oh, Monsieur Fisher, I am so frighten! If I lose 
my position? 

Fisher. Don't worry. Everything will be all right. Not 
even Frank knew me. 

Mary ENTER r. i. 

Mary. Mrs. Perry wishes the fitter. (EXIT r. 2.) 

Fisher (loud). Allez vous en ma chere! (Gives her a 
little shove — rises — EXIT r. 2.) 

Fan. (takes off her jacket, throws it on chair). Oh, mon 
Dieu! (EXITS zuith Mary r. 2.) 

Perry. Man alive, you are great! 

Fisher, Where's the old man? 

Bloodgood enters r. j. 

Perry. Hush! 

Blood. Where the dickens did I leave my hat? (Goes 
X stage to L.) 

Perry (loud to Fisher). I'm afraid, Miss, you'll have to 
wait a little while. 



ARE YOTJ A MASON? 53 

Fisher. Monsieur, that is nothing. 

Blood, (sees Fisher — whistles). Phew — that's a stunner! 

Perry. What are you looking for, father? 

Blood. My hat, — I want to go out to get some cigars — 
(Going — Xes stage — keeps his eyes riveted on Fisher, who 
ogles him.) I say, Frank, have you — er — a decent cigar in 
the house ? [Fisher flirting with Blood. 

Perry (takes out case). Are these good enough for you? 

Blood, (iooks at them). Too strong for me, Frank, too 
strong. Er — would you mind going out and getting me 
some, I can't find my hat. (Pretends to look for hat — he sees 
it and quickly kicks it under the sofa.) 

Fisher (aside). He's nibbling — get out! 

Perry (aside to Fisher). Oh, he wants to get rid of me — 
this is delicious. (Loud to Blood.) Don't bother, Fll go 
downtown, where I always buy my cigars — to — er — Nassau 
street. 

Blood, (quickly). You needn't hurry back, Frank, — take 
your time. (Going up l. e.) 

Perry (off r. 2 — chuckling). All right! 

Blood, (zvaits till Perry is off — then goes up to Fisher). 
What is your name, my dear? 

Fisher. Fanchon, Monsieur. 

Blood. Fanchon, eh? A very pretty name, — almost as 
pretty as the bearer, — he — he — he, — won't you sit down? 

Fisher. Merci, Monsieur, vous etes tres aimable. 

Blood. Don't you speak English, my dear? 

Fisher. Yes, Meestre, — not sO' good. 

Blood. You know ladies always like to take time when 
they try on dresses. (Pats Fisher's hand.) Come, sit down, 
my child, — you'll tire your pretty little feet. 

Fisher (coquettishly shows his foot). Dey not so small as 
Monsieur tink. 

Blood, (looking). But they are! Oh, do^ sit down. To 
please me. 

Fisher. Eh bien, to please Monsieur. (They go sit sofa 



54 ARE YOTJ A MASON? 

L.) Oh, you are so kind — (Sighs.) So sympathetic, — 
your face is ver' famiUar, — I do not know, — so ver' famihar. 

Blood. Famihar? How's that? 

Fisher. Oh, it remin' me of ver' dear friend. 

Blood, You httle rogue! He! he! How could I help 
being kind to a pretty g-irl like you ? 

Fisher. Oh, Monsieur, you make me blush red. 

Blood. Have you a sweetheart? 

Fisher. Oh, Monsieur, I am too young. 

Blood. If you could make up your mind to be nice to 
me — (Pats his hand again.) 

Fisher. Oh, this is so sudden — (Draws azvay from him.) 

Blood. Don't draw away, you little minx, — as I said, if 
you could make up your mind to be nice to me, I would see 
what could be done to improve your position — (He looks 
around apprehensively.) I might come to see you once in a 
while — (Passes his arm round Fisher's waist.) 

Fisher. Non — non — do not do that, Monsieur, — you 
make me 'fraid 

Blood, (tickled). Come, come, there's no harm in having 
a little fun, is there? 

Fisher. Oh, la — la — la! 

Mrs. B. (calls off stage — calls from room). Amos, where 
are you? 

Blood. The devil! Coming, dear, — coming! (Goes X 
stage — to door r. j.) Don't go, — I'll be back right away! 
(Throzvs a kiss.) Little pet! (EXITS r. i.) 

Fisher {returns kiss). Mon cheri! (Laughs.) I'm get- 
ting on like a house a-fire. 

Eva (quick entrance from R. 2 e., tape measure in hand, hangs 
it around Fisher's neck). The other young lady is busy with 
my sisters. You had better attend to me. Look at this 
skirt, — how does it hang? 

Fisher (a^frfr). Great Scott! (Embarrassed.) Oh — er — 
Madame — er — it — er — hangs — ■ (Up stage and back.) 

Eva. I think the underskirt shows in the back. Put a 
pin in it. 



ARE YOU A MASOK^? 55 

Fisher (nwrtified). Pin it? 

Eva (a little impatient). Yes, pin it! 

Fisher (feels himself over helplessly for a pin — finally takes 
hatpin out of hat, and pins the skirt zuith it). Voila, Madame. 

Eva. Is it all right now? (Goes r.) 

Fisher. Oh, oui, Madame 

Eva. I think it hangs well otherwise? 

Fisher (comes to r.). Oh, it must — when one has a figure 
like Madame. 

Eva. Oh;, thank you! 

Fisher. I think the figure of Madame and myself are 
very much the same. 

Eva. You think so? What corset do you wear? 

Fisher. The straight front. Down in front — up in the 
back, — it is all the style, — the kangaroo. 

Eva (flattered). I am getting a little stout. 

Fisher. Oh, Madame is just right. 

Eva (laughs). Oh, thank you. Now look at the waist. 
Is it all right? 

Fisher. Oh, it is very becoming, — ^but Madame, with 
her dark hair and complexion, ought to wear bebe blue — 
with box pleats running all around here — and yellow butter- 
fly insertion applice on green panne velvet 

Fisher (walks around her awkwardly — when he faces door 
R. 2). Green panne velvet. (Fisher circles around Eva.) 

Perry ENTERS r. 2. 

Perry. Here are your cigars, father. (Sees Fisher.) 
What's this? 

[Fisher, behind Eva's hack, motions him to shut up. 
Eva. Sit down, Frank, — the girl is fitting my new dress. 
Perry. The other one is the fitter. 
Eva. This one is just as good. 

Fisher (fumbles around Eva's zvaist — he looks at Perry 
and smiles). Oh, yes, — I am just as good. 

[Perry glares at Fisher — his fists clenched 
behind his back. 



56 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Eva. Don't stare at the girl, Frank, you make her 
nervous, — oh, you tickle me! 

Perry. How dare you tickle my wife? 

Fisher. Pardon, Monsieur. 

Eva. What is the matter with you, Frank, — sit down! 

[Perry sits c. r. — Perry throzvs himself into 
a chair and keeps his eyes riveted on Fisher. 

Eva. Look here, — don't you think it is a little too loose? 

Fisher. Loose! Perhaps Monsieur will get me a scis- 
sors and I will cut him 

Eva. Cut it! No! Take it in. 

Fisher. All right! Madame, I will take him in 



Eva (points to zvaist line). You had better pin it. 

[Fisher gets another hatpin out of his hat and 
tries to pin the zvaist. 

Eva. Ouch ! 

Perry (jumps np). What now? 

Eva. She stuck me with — that — pin. 

Perry (to Fisher). If you can't do' better than that — 
you'd better get out. (Up stage.) 

Eva. She is all right, — but you frighten her. 

Fisher. Oui, Madame, I'm all right, — he frighten me, — 
my heart go pittipat while Monsieur is here. 

Eva. Go into the other room, Frank. (To Fisher.) I'll 
take the waist off. (Goes l. — Fisher follozvs — Perry l.) 

Perry (Eva Xes). What? (Goes around to c.) 

Fisher. Non — non — Madame, — it is too draft here! 

Perry. You'll catch your death of cold. 

'Kv A (begins to unhook). Nonsense! (To Fisher.) Help 
me, please. (Comes to Fisher.) 

Perry (steps betzveen them). Stop — (Aside to Fisher.) 
— or I'll break every bone in your body! 

Fisher (aside). What can I do? 

Eva (opening her zvaist). Let her alone, Frank. (Her 
zvaist is opened — she zccars a dainty corset cover, zvhich leaves 
only a little of the neck and her arms bare — nmst be a modest 



ARE YOXJ A MASON? 57 

decollettc—To Fisher, holding out her arm.) Pull the sleeve, 
please. [Perry goes up stage — tearing his hair. 

Fisher. Oui, Madame,— Oh, Madame has such beauti- 
ful arms ! (Kisses his iinger-tips.) 

Eva. Thank you, — now take my waist measure first — 
(Hands him tape.) 

Fisher (measures awkwardly). 73. 
Eva. What? 

Fisher. I got the wrong side upside down. (Has looked 
at the zvrong side — quickly corrects himself.) Oh, 23. 

Eva. That sounds more like it. Now measure here — 
(Points to bust.) 

[Fisher tries to measure bust — Perry — Bus. — 
to prevent it. 
Perry (shouts). Somebody's coming! 
Eva (screams and runs off r. 2). Come to my room, 
please. (Bus. falls in Fisher's arms.) 

[Fisher starts for door — Perry makes a dash 
for him and blocks his zvay. 
Perry. Over my dead body, you villain! Ell teach you 
to make sport of a man's most sacred feelings! (Turns up 
his coat sleeves — he chases Fisher around table and chairs.) 

Fisher (laughingly). Listen, Frank, — don't be a fool. I 
had to play my part. 

Perry. Now, I am going to play my part, — and I bet 
you won't forget it. 

Fisher. You spoil everything! 

[Perry chases him into music room — there they 
remain visible to audience — Fisher, in pan- 
tomimic, tries to reason with him — Fanchon 
ENTERS quickly from r. 2 — picks up her 
coat and puts it on. 
Blood, (almost at same time, from R. i, sneaks up to 
Fanchon — puts his arm around her). Going, little one? 

Fan. (slaps his face). You craz! Old fool! (EXITS 
qidckly from r. i.) 



58 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Blood, {feels his face). Well, I declare — {Turns atvay.) 

Fisher {zvho saw the little scene — appears in doorway, and 
looks at Blood, with a seductive smile — the moment he turns 
again). Eh bien, men petit bonhomme, — I hurt yourself? 

Blood, {begins to beam again). You are a little spitfire 1 
Are you sorry? 

Fisher. Very sorry! 

Blood. I'm glad you didn't run away. 

Fisher. I could not, — you are so sympathetic, I like you. 

Blood, Do you really? 

Fisher. Oh, very much! 

Blood, {coming to Fisher again — leads him to chair r.). 
Couldn't we meet somewhere? — quite informally — er — I 
mean — where we would not be disturbed. How would you 
like to go to a little lunch with me? 

Fisher. At the Waldorf-Astoria? 

Blood. Til fetch you from your home. {Sits chair next 
Fisher r. — Blood, l. of table.) 

Fisher {quickly). Oh, non, not there. 

Blood. Why not? 

Fisher. My reputation, — and I have only a little dress 
box. 

Blood. A what? 

Fisher {shozvs by gestures he means a folding bed). A 
chimney bed 

Blood. Oh, a folding bed 

Fisher. Oui, folding 

Blood. And where do you live? 

Fisher. One Hundred and Seventy-five street. 

Blood. With your parents? 

Fisher {sadly). Oh, non, Monsieur, I live by myself 
only. {Tear f idly.) I have nobody. 

Blood. Poor little girl! 

Fisher. My mamma is dead long ago — {He leans his 
head against Bloodgood's shoulder.) 

Blood. And your father? {Puts his arm around him.) 

Fisher. I never had a papa. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 59 

Blood. How extraordinary! 

Fisher. Oui, — he gave mamma the shake. 

Blood. The wretch! 

Fisher. Oh, do not scold him, — mamma love him — ah, 
so much, — she alway carry his picture,— look, perhaps you 
can 'elp me find my papa. (Hands him photo.) 

Blood, (takes it). Let us see, — may be I know the scoun- 
drel — (Looks at it, after adjusting his glasses.) Great 
heavens! (Rises — goes c.) Is it possible? This is my, — 
what was the name of your mother? 

Fisher. Angelina. 

Blood. Not Angelina Fichu? (Rise.) 

Fisher. Yes, Angelina Fichu, — she kept a millinery 
store. 

Blood, (collapses on sofa l.). Angelina Fichu, — what 

now? 

Fisher (takes picture — looks at it — looks at Blood.). Mon 
Dieu, — is it possible! Mais oui, — it is, — it is! I have found 
him, — oh, papa, — mon cher papa, — embrasse la fille de ton 
Angelina. Take to your heart the daughter of Angelina. 
(Throws himself at Bloodgood's feet.) 

Blood. Hush, — hush — 

Fisher. Oh, my papa! 

Blood. Hush! Keep quiet, — calm yourself. 

Fisher (as if he were rousing himself after a dream). Is 
it true? (Weeps.) I cannot believe it, — ^^oh, mon papa, — je 
suis si heureuse, — Oh, I am so 'appy, so 'appy. (Buries his 
face in his hands — his arms rest on Bloodgood's knees.) 

Blood, (flustered and worried). Yes — yes, — you have a 
father, — but keep quiet, my daughter, — I'll provide for you — 
(Xes R. He gently pushes Fisher away — rises and walks up 
stage.) 

Fisher (drying his eyes). Oh, chere mamma in ze heaven, 
I 'ave a papa. (He throws himself at Blood.) A nice, good 
papa. (Blood, frightened to death — watching the door — holds 
him at hay. Pouting.) Don't you love your little daughter, 
papa? 



60 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Blood. Yes, darling — (Takes her into his arms.) — but 
you must not scream so. First of all, you don't go back to 
the shop. 

Fisher. Oh, mon papa. 

Blood. I'll start you in business. 

Fisher. On Fifth Avenue, papa? 

Blood. How much would that cost? 

Fisher. Oh, not more than 20,000 dollar. 

Blood. Is that all? You shall have it, only do me the 
favor by keeping quiet. 

Fisher, My papa! (Violent embrace.) 

Blood, (throzvs his arms around him). My daughter! 

Mrs, Bloodgood ENTERS from r. i, in a nezv dress. 

Mrs. B. How do you like this (Screams.) Amos! 

Fisher, The old woman! 

Blood. Caroline! [These tzvo speeches together. 

Perry (from mtisic room). The explosion! 

Mrs. B. (highly indignant). Oh, you — you, you! How 
dare you carry on an intrigue with a brazen shop girl in 
your daughter's house? 

Blood. Caroline, — I beg of you, let me explain, 

Mrs, B. Out of my sight, you monster! 

Fisher. Oh, Madame, — please 

Mrs. B. Silence, hussy! 

Eva enters r. 2. 

Blood, (ptdling himself together). Stop, Caroline — 
(Draws Fisher tenderly toward him.) Do with me as you 
please, — ^but don't insult this innocent child! I alone am 
the guilty one! This — this is my long neglected daughter — 
the child of Angelina! 

Perry (unseen by those on stage — shaking with laughter). 
This is too rich! 

Mrs. B. Another of your lies! 

Blood. No — no, — Caroline, — I am speaking the truth. 
This is Angelina's daughter, — she told me so a moment ago. 

Mrs. B, You never told me there was a daughter. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 61 

Blood. I did not know it myself. 

Fisher. Poor papa did not know. 

Mrs. B. And you dare to bring this living proof of your 
faithlessness before my very eyes? 

Blood. Caroline, that was before we were married. 

Mrs. B. I don't care, — everything is over between us! 
Be gone and take your daughter with you! {Goes r. — , 
WARN CURTAIN.) 

Eva {who has entered before, unnoticed by the others). 
Mother, how can you be so^ unforgiving? {Warning.) 

Mrs. B. Do- you expect me to open my arms to that 
person? 

Fisher {pretends to cry). Oh, mama! 

Blood. My poor child! 

Eva. Well, if everybody casts her ofif, I'll take her up. 
Come to my sisterly heart! {Goes embrace Fisher.) 

Mrs. B. What? 

Blood. My daughter! 

Perry {laugh dies from his face — comes on). I protest — 
{To Fisher.) Leave this house instantly! 

Blood. Very well. Come, my child, we'll leave this 
house together. [Mrs. B. Xes stage l. 

Fisher. Yes, papa. 

Eva {blocks their way — to door calls.) Annie, Lulu, — she'll 
stay with me! 

Perry. I say she won't! 

Annie a7td Lulu ENTER. 

Eva. Annie, — Lulu, — that young lady is our sister ! 
Annie {at sight of Fisher screams). Oh! 
Lulu. Not really? 

Eva. She wants to leave us again, — help me to persuade 
her tO' stay with us. 

Lulu. You must! \ j. , 

Annie. You must! ) 

Eva {to Fisher). Come, you poor thing! 

Perry. We have no room for her! 



62 AE,E YOU A MASON? 

Annie. She can share my room. 

Lulu. She can share mine, too! [They embrace Fisher. 

Mrs. B. And I say "No!" {Xes — goes l.) 

Eva. Then she'll stop with us! 

Perry. I'll throw her out of the window! 

Blood. We shall see! 

Perry. We shall! 

[Eva, Annie and Lulu surround Fisher, 
embrace and kiss him. 

Fisher {returning their embraces). To please you, sisters, 
I will stay! 

Perry {trying to get at Fisher). Are you all mad? 
Blood. If you dare to lay hands on that child! 
Perry. Ha — ha, — child! 

Halton enters — red as a lobster — dripping with 
perspiration. 

Halton. Here I am, Master! Where shall I go now? 

[Bus. for Curtain. 
Blood, {savagely). To the devil! 

QUICK CURTAIN. 



AEE YOU A MASON? 63 



ACT III. 

SCENE. — Same as Acts I. and II. 

DISCOVERED. — When curtain rises — Eva, Fisher {as 
Fanchon), Lulu and Annie. The girls 
are humming some song zvhile sewing — 
Fisher sits with his back to audience. 
Fisher setvs on a ragged-looking ruche 
with a heavy long thread — he is awkzvard 
— after a few seconds he stops sewing and 
sighs. Annie keeps looking at him all the 
time and shakes her head. Annie on 
sofa L. 

Eva. You must not sigh like that, sister dear. Your 
troubles are over and we are all so fond of you. 

Lulu. Mother has consented to your going with us to 
Rockfort, and some day a nice man will fall in love with 
you and marry you. 

Fisher. That would be so nice. 

Eva. You must be hungry, — won't you have something? 
A charlotte russe? 

Lulu. Or a glass of soda lemonade? 

Fisher. Yes^ — with a stick in it. 

The Girls. A stick? 

Fisher {recovers). A lemon stick, — the girls at the store 
teach me that — {The thread slips out of his needle.) Damn! 

The Girls {shocked). Fanchon! 

Fisher. Oh, mille pardon, — ^the girls in the store teach 
me that. {He tries to thread his needle.) 

Annie. Those New York shop girls must be horrid 
creatures 



64 ARE YOU A MASONP 

Fisher (quickly). Oh, I don't know, — they came very 
near spoiHng me, — Oh, no, I mean yes — very horrid — 

[Lulu sighs. 

Eva. What's the matter with you? 

Lulu. I'm worried about Ernest. This morning mother 
seemed quite favorably inchned toward him, and now all of 
a sudden I am not to think of him any more. 

Eva. Cheer up. Lulu, mother was opposed to Frank ,in 
the beginning, but we got each other all the same 

Lulu. Well, if it comes to the worst, we'll run away 
together. 

Eva. Hush, — ^there's mother. 

[Fisher has in the meantime succeeded in thread- 
ing his needle and is sewing industriously. 

Mrs. B. enters through conservatory — watches the group. 

Mrs. B. How sweet they look there sitting .together. 
{Looks at Fisher, who has redoubled his activity, and seivs 
with a thread longer than his .arm.) How can you sew with 
such a long thread, Fanchon? 

Fisher. Oh, Madame, we have so much thread in the 

store where they teach me, and they are not stingy 

{Pricks himself.) Ouch! {Bus.) 

Mrs. B. Where is your thimble? 

Eva {hands him one). Here, , Fanchon, take mine 

Fisher. Merci! {Looks at it — does not know on which 
linger to put it — finally puts it on fourth finger.) 

Mrs. B. {looks at his. sewing). I can see that your educa- 
tion has been sorely neglected. 

[Fisher sighs and .acquiesces. 

Lulu. There, — I am through {Starts to go.) 

Eva. So am, I [Mrs. B. Xes to r. 

Mrs. B. Fanchon, stand up. Turn round — do for pity's 
sake turn back again — Fanchon, tell me — do you look any- 
thing like your mother? 

Fisher. Madame, I am the perfect image of her. 



ARE YOU A MASON P 



65 



Mrs. B, Is it possible? {Bus.) 
of that woman for twenty years 



And I have been jealous 
■ {EXIT I E. R.) 
Fisher {nods wearily — Annie puts sewing on desk l.). 

Oui, Madame 1 don't like my step-mama! 

Annie. Isn't mother a dear? 

Fisher. She's a coo-coo! 

Annie. What's that? 

Fisher. A bird — a French term of endearment 

[Eva and Lulu EXIT r. j. 
[Eva and Lulu EXIT r. i. Pause — Annie 
and Fisher keep on sewing. 

Fisher. I have that tired feeling. 

Annie. Why don't you stop? 

Fisher. Shall I? 

Annie. Come, sit near me and let's chat. 

[Fisher goes l. to Annie — sits sofa. Fisher 
puts away sewing and stretches himself like 
a man, the seams of his dress crack and he 
quickly remembers his character — he sits on 
sofa next to Annie. Annie takes his hand 
and looks at him. 

Fisher. What do you think? 

Annie. You look so much like somebody — 

Fisher. Somebody you love? 

Annie. I did at one time. 

Fisher. And do you love him not more? 

Annie, I ought not to. 

Fisher. W'hy not? 

Annie. We heard he was bad 

Fisher {drops his accent). That's a lie! — this is no true — 
he love you 

Annie. How do you know? 

Fisher. He could 'elp no more loving you than I could,. 
— a girl with a tooth like you have, — ^a hair, — a mouth, — a 



66 ARE YOU A MASON? 

feet, — and hands, — such pretty Httle hands {He presses 

her hands to his bust, hut remembers his sex, and draws it away 
again.) 

Annie (embarrassed a little, with her eyes down). Have you 
ever been in love? 

Fisher (sighs). Oh, oui! Several times 

Annie. How does it feel to be in love? 

Fisher. Oh, pretty g-ood 

Annie (leaning her head on his shoulder). Tell me — (Fisher 
conquers his desire to throw his arms around her.) Tell me, — 
have you ever been kissed by a man? 

Fisher (manly). Never! 

Annie. Neither have I 

Fisher (quickly). Oh, you darling — really? I wonder if 
you will like it? 

Annie (naively). I think I should like to be kissed by — 
er — George 

Fisher. Is that whom you love? (Bus. shoots cuff.) 

Annie (very modestly and naively). Yes (Fisher 

tickled, tries to shoot his cuff and crosses his legs — enjoys the 
situation.) I have told my secret, — now you must tell me 
yours 

Fisher. I am also in love 

Annie. Are you really, — is he nice? 

Fisher. Oh, it is not a "he" at all. 

Annie. Not a man? Who is it? 

Fisher. My little sister. 

Annie. Oh, you love me like a sister? (Xes r. Pouts.) 
But you are not nice, — ^tell me, — you are not acting like a 
friend 

Fisher. That is because we have not yet sealed our 
friendship, — we must kiss 

Annie. Very well then, — come on, — one for friendship — 
(Kiss.) One for love — (Kiss.) And one for our faithful- 
ness to prove — (Kiss — goes r. Fisher lingers on the last 
kiss — Annie drawing azvay from him.) 



ABB YOU A MASON? 67 

Fisher. Why do you go away from me, — don't you like 
me to kiss you? (Going to Annie.) 

Annie (bashfully). Yes 

Fisher. Then why do you stop? (Kisses her again. 
Three kisses.) All good things are three 

Annie. It is so different — ^when I kiss other girls 

Fisher (drops his dialect). They weren't the right girls, — 
that's all. (Kisses her again.) 

[Annie screams — runs into a corner and hides 
her face in her hands. 

Fisher (follows her — forces her to look at him). My 
darling, — my sweetheart, — do you love me? (Kneels before 
her.) 

Annie. George ! Why did you disguise yourself, — to be 
near me? 

Fisher. What? 

xA.NNiE (points to his dress). To be near me? 

Fisher (quickly). Yes, dear, to be near you, — no, — I can't 
lie to you, — I did it to help a friend, — you mustn't give us 
away 

Annie. On one condition, — that you take those things 
off to-day. 

Fisher. This instant — I'll tell Frank. (Goes l. up stage. 
To door.) One more kiss. 

Annie (goes l.). No, — not now 

Fisher. A farewell kiss to Fanchon (French accent.) 

You'll never see her again. 

Annie (goes to Fisher). And she was so nice. (They kiss.) 

Mrs. B. (outside). 

Annie. Mother is calling, — we must gO' in — (laughs) — 
"sister." 

Fisher. I can't now. I'd give myself away. Say fare- 
well to Fanchon. 

Annie. Oh, you bad boy! (She kisses him.) 

Perry (from music room). Excuse me — Oh, it's all 
right, — I thought it was my wife. (Turns away.) 

[Annie gives a little scream and runs off. 



68 ARS YOU A MASON"? 

Fisher. Fool! (Dances tozuards exit.) 

Perry (after him). Where are you going? 

Fisher, Home, — to get back into my trousers. 

Perry (grabs him by the skirt). Hold on, old man, — take 
your time, — what about me? 

Fisher. That's none of my business! Annie knows! 

Perry. What? 

Fisher. She won't say anything. By the way — the 
20,000, — the old man is going to give it to me before long. 

Perry. After you get it, you can do as you please, — but 
until you get it, you will have to keep on your skirts 

Fisher. I won't do anything of the kind — (Tries to get 
away.) 

Perry (still holding to his skirts). A bargain's a bargain, 
and unless you stick to yours, I'll give the whole snap away, 
and you can say good-bye to Annie. 

Fisher. Confound it, — Fm dying for a smoke. 

Perry. Here's a cigar. (Gives cigar.) There are 
matches. 

Fisher (Bus. match. Lighting his cigar). By the way, 
don't forget the girls insist on going to the reception to- 
morrow evening. (Going up stage.) 

Perry. If it comes to the worst — I'll take to my bed, and 
you can nurse me. 

Fisher (enjoying his cigar, leans against dining room door). 
I'll nurse you all right. 

Perry. George, be a lady, — you should not smoke before 
a gentleman. 

Fisher. Well, I'll show you what kind of a lady I am, — 
I'm going to have a high ball. (Xes l. EXITS l.) 

Perry. You are a lady! 

Fisher. I am a perfect lady! (EXIT.) 

Perry. If I'm ever admitted to a Masonic lodge, no 
ordeals can have any terror for me after this 

Mary (r 2). Mr. Morrison 

[Fisher almost falls info dining room. 
Morrison ENTERS r. 2. 



ARE YOTJ A MASON P 69 

MoR. Hello, Perry! 

Perry (absentmindedly). Hello, — you've come about the 
plans? 

MoR, Not to-day. Lulu and I ' 

Perry. Oh, — ah, — exactly! Now I remember, — you 
want to marry Lulu. Well, how are you getting on? 

MoR. That's just what I want to know, — Mrs. Bloodgood 
certainly spoke as if 

Perry. Oh, is she on your side? Then the thing is as 
good as settled, — you may get your ''God bless you, my 
boy, — take her and be happy" — at any time, — depend upon 
it^ — that's the way it was with me. (Shaking his hand cor- 
dially.) Let me congratulate you. 

MoR. (smiling — Perry Xes r.). Thanks! I haven't got 
Mr. Bloodgood's consent yet, — ^but, as we are both active 
Masons, he won't put any obstacles in my path. 

Perry. Masons, — Morrison, — an angel has sent you to 
me. You must help me. [Both go l» 

MoR. With the greatest of pleasure, — how? 

Perry. In your capacity as a Mason ' '^ 

MoR. (astonished). Why, you're a Mason yourself — 

Perry (embarrassed). Certainly, — ahem, — that is to say, 
— there's no harm in confessing it to you. I intend to become 
a Mason, but — I haven't been admitted yet, — ^in fact my 
application isn't filed 

MoR. But what induced you to pass yourself off for one? 

Perry. Well, you see, in the first place, there was my 
wife to whom I had promised it — (Xes r.) Now don't 
laugh, — after you're married, you'll find it nothing to laugh 
at, — secondly — there's my father-in-law, — you know I want 
to get the money from him for the extension 

MoR. (laughs). I see, — you thought you'd work him for 
the good of the order? 

Perry, Yes, and to cap the climax — comes that infernal 
ladies' reception, — I'm helplessly lost if you don't 

MoR. I understand, — what can I do to help you? 



70 ABE YOU A MASON? 

Perry (delighted). You're a brick, — if you should ever 
have any trouble with Lulu — I'll do as much for you. (Going 
up c.) 

MoR. (laughing). I hope it will never come to that. 

Perry. There's no telling what will happen when a man's 
married. 

NoRAH (appears at r. 2). Mistah Perry, sorr, ye're wanted 
at the telephone downstairs. 

Perry (Xes to r.). All right — I'm coming. (To Mor.) 
Then I can depend on you? 

Mor. Of course, — aren't Masons pledged to mutual help? 

Perry. You'll excuse me, then (Turns laughingly 

to door.) 

NoRAH. For the love o' God, Mr. Perry, sorr, lave that 
lodge ! 

Perry (Xes r.). Leave the lodge? Norah, — ask me any- 
thing but that, — it is absolutely out of the question for me to 
leave the lodge. (Winks at Mor. and EXITS r. 2.) 

Norah (dole f idly). Oh, the sorry day! EXITS after 
Perry r. 2.) 

Bloodgood enter r. i. 

Blood, (aside). I'd better lie low for a little while. (Sees 
Mor.) Do you wish to see my son-in-law? 

MoR. I suppose I have the pleasure of speaking to Mr. 
Bloodgood, — allow me to introduce myself, — Mrs. Blood- 
good has probably spoken to you about me — Morrison, — 
Ernest Morrison. 

Blood. Jesophat! Then you're — the Mason? 

MoR, Yes, my dear Master 

Blood, (noticing it — smiles knozuingly). Hasn't my wife 
given you an answer yet? 

MoR. No, Mr. Bloodgood. The happiness of two people 
depends on your decision. 

Blood. You seem to be a nice fellow, — I believe I can 
safely confide in you — (Looks at him critically.) My dear 
Mr. Morrison, please sit down. (Mor. goes to sofa — sits — 



ARE YOU A MASON? 71 

Blood, gets chair -from desk. Both sit.) I like your looks, 
and if Lulu shares your feelings 

MoR. I venture to say that she does. 

Blood. Then, as I have said, I see no objection to your 
suit. 

MoR. (jumps up delighted). My dear sir. (Rise.) 

Blood, (forcing him back into seat). Keep your seat. I 
have a confession to make to you. 

MoR. (astonished). A confession? 

Blood, (looking around anxiously). I'm not a Mason at all. 

MoR. (dumbfounded). What? Aren't any of you Masons? 
But why, if I may ask, have you passed yourself ofif for a 
member of the order? 

Blood, (embarrassed). Well, — you see, — it's a long story, 
— I promised my wife, some twenty years ago, to join, and 
somehow never found time 

MoR. I see 

Blood, (embarrassed). Yes, it often happens that way. 
Now, I've got a great favor to ask of you. To-morrow will 
be ladies' night at the lodge, — I wanted to ask your assist- 
ance 

MoR. (smiling). I understand, sir. 

Blood, (admiringly). You're very quick to catch the idea. 

MoR. I'm getting used to it, — I mean • 

Blood, (delighted). You're a good fellow, I can see that. 
(Struck by a sudden idea.) I'll tell you what, Morrison. You 
must put my name up, — we expect to settle in New York 
soon. 

MoR. I shall be delighted! And to prevent you changing 
your mind — (Produces paper.) I happen to have an appli- 
cation blank with me, which you can fill up at once. 

Blood. (Mor. rises). I'll do it. Just let me have the 
blank, — I'll do it on the spot, — wait a minute, I'll be right 
back. (Pats him on the back.) My boy, — you're a brick! 
(Shakes hands zvith Mor. repeatedly^ then turns and makes a 
few comic signs with a smile. EXITS into music room.) 



73 ARE YOTJ A MASON? 

MoR. Thank goodness, — now I've got both father and 
mother, — the next thing is to find Lulu and tell her of our 
good luck. (Turns to go.) 

Mrs. B. enters r. i. Sees him. 

Mrs. B. Mr. Morrison. 

MoR. (goes to her — radiant). Mrs. Bloodgood, I've come 
to 

Mrs. B. (coaly). I know what you've come for, but I'm 
sorry to inform you that a marriage between you and Lulu is 
out of the question. 

MoR. (dumbfounded). Why? 

Mrs. B. (embarrassed). My husband is strongly opposed — 

MoR. (more and more amazed). Your husband? 

Mrs. B. Yes. He told me certain things about you — 
which made me, I mean us, come to the conclusion that we 
could not, with a clear conscience, approve of the match. I 

am very sorry, but 

Blood. ENTERS from music room zvith application in his hand. 

Blood. Now, that's attended to. (Delighted — sees his 
ivife — starts and quickly hides the paper — aside.) The devil! 

Mrs. B. My husband will explain everything to you. 
(With a cool boiv.) Excuse me, please. (EXITS r. i.) 

MoR. (angrily). What does this mean, Mr. Bloodgood? 
It seems you have been telling your wife things about me 
which 

Blood, (grasps the situation). Oh, you mean those things? 
Why, they were merely some harmless stories I invented in 
order to — (Goes l.) 

MoR. To what? I am very curious to hear 

Blood. Come to my room, — we'll talk it over there, — 
I've sneaked a bottle of old r3^e^ — I wanted to drown my 
sorrows. (Both go up stage l.) 

MoR. (smiling). Sorrows? 

Blood, (taking Morrison's arm). Come on, — you'll soon 
be a member of the family, and then you'll know all about it 
anyway, — it's about a new daughter 



ARE YOTJ A MASON? 73 

MoR. A new daughter — at your time of life? 
Blood. Oh, no, she dates from way back. Come on. 
{They EXIT into music room.) 

NoRAH ENTERS and looks around. 

NoRAH. It's not here the masther is — {Goes to door 
R, I, calling in.) Mrs. Perry, — Mrs. Perry, where are yez? 

[Eva enters r. i e. ivith Mrs. B. and 
Fisher from d. r. smoking a cigar. 

Eva. What is it, Norah? 

Mrs. B. {knitting). What's the matter, Norah, — you look 
so excited — ■ {To Fisher, zvho is trying to sneak off again.) 
Stay where you are, dear. {Sniffs the air. Fisher throws 
his cigar into aquarium.) It smells of smoke in here. 

Fisher {sniffs.) It does — ? Do you smoke, Madame? 

Mrs. B. What—? 

Fisher. Oh, Sweet Caporal. 

Mrs. B. I want to keep you under my watchful eye. 
Here, — let me see how much you know about knitting. 
{Takes Fisher. Gives him her knitting.) 

Fisher {aside). She loves to see her dear old daughter 
work. 

Eva {has spoken to Norah meanwhile). You say a police- 
man wants to see Mr. Perry? Well, show him in. 

Norah {ivith a groan). The saints guard us, they are after 
him. 

Eva. After whom? 

Norah. The masther. 

Eva {zvith a start). What for? 

Norah. Sure and he's a Freemason, ain't he? 

Eva {annoyed). Oh, nonsense, — ask the man in. 

Norah {going tearhdly). Didn't I know it, whin me big 
toe ached me ahl mornin'. {Shows in policeman, then EXITS 
R. 2, shaking her head.) 

Policeman. Is Mr. Frank Perry in? 

Eva. My husband is out. 



74 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Pol. Oh, you're Mrs. Perry. Then I can hand it to you 
just as well. (Hands her an official looking document.) Good 
mornin', ma'am. (EXITS r. 2.) 

Eva. What can Frank have to do with the police? 

Mrs. B. (dryly). It is your duty, as his wife, to find out. 

Fisher (sits near mantle and tries to knit — aside). She's 
a bird. 

Eva (after some hesitation). It might be some urgent 
business. (Opens paper — then zvith a cry.) Oh! 

Fisher. What is it? 

Eva (broken-hearted). "Convicted — night of 17th inst., 
disorderly conduct!" Oh, mother! On charge of Officer 
Ryan, — fine — five dollars. (Throws herself into Mrs. B.'s 
arms.) [Fisher whistles. 

Eva (between sobs). Frank is deceiving me, — instead of 
going to the lodge — he has been running about the streets, — 
goodness knows in what company 

Mrs. B. (sharply). Nothing about men surprises me any 
more, — but I'll attend to him. (To Eva.) My poor child. 

Perry ENTERS r. 2, zvith pretended unconcern. 

Perry. Norah tells me a policeman was here just now. 
What did he want? [Fisher sits c. l. 

Mrs. B. You know what he wanted. (Holds document 
open before his eyes.) And we know, too-. 

Perry (with forced laugh). Somebody's been getting him- 
self into trouble, eh? 

Eva (sorrozvfidly). So you've deceived me, — me, who 
trusted you so implicitly. (Sits r.) 

Mrs. B. But you've made your reckoning without the 
host. 

Perry. Dearest Eva, don't you think 

Mrs. B. (indignantly). Of course you'll try to lie out of 
this — (Points to document.) 

Perry (with a nervous laugh). Ha, aha, aha! 

Fisher (enjoying the situation — aside). I'd give eleven 
cents to know how. (Laughs.) 



ARE YOU A MASON? 75 

Mrs. B. {sternly to Fisher). I don't see anything to^ laugh 
at! Knit! 

Fisher {aside). Nit! {Sits c. l.) 

Perry. Let me tell you, — ha — ^ha — ha! The funny part 
of it is, that it wasn't me at all. 

Eva. Not you? 

Mrs. B. {zvith a sneer). I suppose you think we've for- 
gotten how tO' read. {Holding up document.) What is that? 
Does it say, "Frank Perry," or doesn't it? 

Perry. It does, — but — er — it was somebody else who 
took my name. 

Evvv {goes to Perry — Xes to and fro). Do you expect me 
to believe that? 

Mrs. B. {scornfully). And who was the culprit, if you 
please? The great unknown, I suppose. 

'Perry {regaining his composure). Oh, no, mother. He 
called on me yesterday, and explained the whole matter, — 
the fact is — he was — er — a little under the weather, and when 
they asked him for his name — ^he gave a card, which — er — 
happened to be mine — er — and — er — then 

Fisher {aside). He woke up. 

Perry. He — er — ^apologized to me, — what could I say 
under the circumstances? 

Mrs. B. {ironically). And what is the name of this friend 
of yours? 

Eva. Yes, — what is his name? {Rises to r.) 

Perry. Oh, you want to know his name? {As if trying 
to recall it.) What is his name — er — er — ^^his name is — {Sees 
Fisher, who is laughing at him.) George Fisher. 

Fisher {forgetting himself — jumps up). I? 

Eva and Mrs. B. {look at Fisher in amazement). What? 

[Eva around sofa r. c. 

Fisher {quickly recovering — resumes his assumed voice). I 
— I dropped one of my stitches ! {Looks on the floor for it.) 

Mrs. B. {decisively). You'll have to produce that gentle- 
man, and very promptly too, before I believe one word of 
this story. {Xes up stage to e. r.) 



76 ARE YOU A MAiaON? 

Eva. Yes, — ^and if you can't clear yourself from this 
accusation, — I shall get a divorce. {To door r. 2.) 

Mrs. B. {Xes to Perry — shaking her -finger at him). Yes, 
sir, we shall get a divorce. Come on, my child. (Both EXIT.) 

Fisher (throzvs down his knitting — excited — goes to Perry). 
Confound you, — how dared you drag my name into an 
affair of this kind. 

Perry. I couldn't think of any other. 

Fisher (Xes r.). That doesn't do me any good. 

Perry. George, do me the favor, — be a man again — just 
for a quarter of an hour, so that I can introduce you to them. 

Fisher. I'll be hanged if I let you make a cat's paw out 
of me any longer. 

Perry (up and down imploringly). George, — like a good 
fellow 

Fisher (calming dozvn). Can't you find somebody else to 
impersonate me? 

Perry (Xes r.). No, on account of Norah, — she knows 
you, — she'd give the whole thing away. Hang it man, you 
were in such a deuce of a hurry a while ago to get back into 
your trousers. 

Fisher. Ah, that was different! What will Annie think 
of me? Imagine her feelings! Her future husband indicted 
for disorderly conduct. 

Perry. Girls of that age like nothing better than a rake. 

Fisher. Think so? 

Perry (dragging him off). Come on, — I'll send for your 
clothes. 

Fisher (resigned). Well, all right, — don't you smile, — I 
know I'm a damned fool! [They both EXIT quickly r. 2. 

Bloodgood and Morrison ENTER from music room, arm 

in arm. 

Blood, (in very good humor). Well, Morrison, it's all 
settled, eh? 

MoR. Depend upon me. (In doorzvay.) 



ARE YOU A MASON? 77 

Blood, But be off now, my wife might suspect, if she 
saw us together. {Urges Mm to go.) 

MoR. Goodbye. (EXITS r. 2.) 

Blood, {slightly elated). Thank the Lord, my troubles 
are over at last. I feel like another man, — ha, ha, — they have 
got to get up pretty early to catch me napping. 

! Halton enters r. 2. 

Halton. Good afternoon, — how are you? 

Blood, (aside). That old bore again. (Xes, goes r.) 

Halton. I gave my wife the slip sO' as to have a couple 
of hours' quiet chat with you ab.out the lodge. I want you to 
give me a few points about the initiation. 

Blood, (up and dozvn stage impatiently). Can't you wait 
till the time comes? We haven't got as far as that yet. 

Halton (reproachfidly). Whose fault is it? Yours! 
You haven't put me through the second test, — I'm prepared 
for the most severe ordeal. 

Blood. Oh — you are? Then — (Advancing to him with 
dignity.) Keep your mouth shut for one hour. (Up and 
down.) 

Halton (buttonholes Blood.). Oh, is that all? Well, it's 
as good as done. (Blood, goes around sofa — Halton fol- 
lows.) It's easy enough for me tO' hold my tongue. 

[Blood, tries to get azvay from him — they walk 
up and dozvn. 

Halton (follozvs him). If I were one of those talkative 
fellows now, that would be different, — ^but I'm all right. 
This house might collapse, the world come to an end, or you 
might stand on your head in order to get me to talk, — you 
wouldn't succeed, I'll tell that) right now! I've 

Blood, (takes out watch and puts finger to Halton's lips). 
Hush, — the test has begun. (Halton puts hands over mouth 
in sign of silence — aside.) This must be a new one. (Halton 
sits sofa L.) Remember, an hour. 

[Halton settles comfortably on sofa l. and picks 
up a book. Blood, lights a cigar. 

LofC. 



78 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Mrs. Halton ENTERS r. 2. Somewhat coiintriUed in 
appearance. 

Mrs. Halton. Good afternoon, sir, excuse me, is my 
husband here? Why, there he is. I thought as much. {To 
Halton.) Did you have your talk about the lodge with 
Mr. Bloodgood? Why don't you introduce me? 

Halton {silently shakes his head). Um 

Mrs. H. (amazed). What's the matter? Why don't you 
answer me? 

Halton {same business). Um 

Mrs. H. {goes to Blood. Turning to Blood.). For good- 
ness' sake — what's the matter with my husband? 

Blood, {suppressing his merriment). I can't make it out. 
He's been sitting, like that for half an hour. 

Mrs. H, My husband? His tongue generally goes like 
a windmill. 

Blood. It is funny. But I hope our combined efforts 
will be successful in restoring his powers of speech to him. 
What would you suggest? Shall I kick him? 

Mrs. H. {Goes to i l. — endearingly). John — ^Johnnie, dear} 
Don't you know your little wife? {After a pause, angrily.) 
You old idiot! {In despair, Xes r.) What is the matter? — 
he's a changed man, — at home, I have only to ask him the 
least little thing, and he'll answer at once, ''What is it, 
Angelina?" 

Blood, {with a start). What did you say? 

Mrs. H. Angelina. My name is Angelina. 

Blood, {very excited). And your maiden name? 

Mrs. H. Fichu! 

Blood, {looks at her wildly). Angelina! Then you are 
not dead? 

Mrs. H. {astonished). Why should I be dead? 

Blood. She lives! Angelina lives! Hurrah! I must 
kiss you. {Rushes towards her.) 

[Mrs. H. retreats in alarm behind table. Blood. 
follows Mrs. H. around sofa. 



ARE YOTJ A MASON? 79 

Mrs. H. Are you crazy? 

Halton {aside — chuckling). He's trying his best — but he 
can't make me talk. 

Blood. Why, AngeHna — don't you know me? I'm your 
Amos ! 

Mrs. H. {incredulously). Little Amos Bloodgood? 

Blood. Yes, — to whom you wrote you were going to 
kill yourself. 

Mrs. H. Is it possible? 

Blood, {delighted). Then you didn't kill yourself, did 
you? 

Mrs. H. No, I thought better of it. 

Halton {aside). If I did not know that this is a put-up 
job to make me talk 

Blood. And what do you think? Such a coincidence, — 
Fanchon is here. 

Mrs. H. Fanchon? 

Blood. Don't you know, — my — your — our Fanchon? 
Our daughter! 

Mrs. H. {indignantly). Excuse me, — ^this is carrying the 
joke too far. {Xes, goes r.) 

Halton {laughing aside). A daughter too! He's making 
the most desperate efforts, but it won't work. 

Blood. You're not dead, — you take a load from my 
heart, — Oh, Angelina, I'm so happy! I must tell my wife, — 
won't she be surprised! {Calling off.) Caroline, — Caroline! 
{Rushes off R. 2.) 1 [Mrs. H. Xes r. 

Halton {aside). He is going to get reinforcements. 

Mrs. H. {goes savagely to Halton). And you sit there 
like a dummy, while your wife is being insulted. Speak, 
John. Say something! I shall do something to you! 
(Halton takes out his watch and shrugs his shoulders — tries 
to explain in pantomime that he cannot speak. Wrings her 
hands in despair.) Oh, I shall go crazy ! {Up stage, then back 
of sofa to Halton, up and down.) 

Blood. {RE-ENTERS— much excited, dragging Mrs. B. 
after him). Come on, Carrie — come on. 



80 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Mrs. B. (struggling). What is the matter with you, Amos? 

Blood, (dramatically). Now, you shall see what an in- 
justice you have been doing me for twenty years. (Points 
to Mrs. H.) Look! Do you know who that is? 

Mrs. B. (coldly). I have not the pleasure! 

Blood. It is the dead — Angelina — er — I mean, the one 
we thought was dead — the one whose bones you've raked 
up every day. 

Halton (aside — holding his sides zuith laughter). A regular 
dime novel. 

Mrs. B. (zuith a sneer). I suppose you got some one to 
come here and palm herself off as Angelina 

Halton (aside). She doesn't seem to have the right 
conception of her part. 

Mrs. H. Mercy me! Have I got into a lunatic asylum? 

Blood, (to Mrs. H.). You disown your daughter? Then 
let the voice of nature speak! (He goes quickly to door r., 
opens it and calls.) Come here a moment, Fanchon. 
(Fisher enters unconcerned in man's clothes. Blood, seises 
him by the hand zvithout looking at him, and drazvs him tozuards 
Mrs, H.) Here, Madame, is your daughter. 

Mrs. H. (alarmed). My — daughter? 

Mrs. B. (gazing at Fisher in surprise). Why, that's — 

Halton (unable to restrain his laughter). I shall choke. 
(Buries his head in cushions and kicks his legs.) 

Fisher. I beg your pardon 

Blood, (in amazement to Fisher). A man, — ^^how did you 
get into Fanchon's room? (Bewildered and scared.) 

Fisher (very much embarrassed). I — I wanted — I had — I 
— am 

Blood. You are — this marvelous likeness! Confess it, — 
you are her brother. 

Fisher (desperately). Yes, — her twin brother. 

Blood, (zvith a cry). Her twin! Angelina we've got 
twins ! (Xes l. and sits chair — collapses into a chair.) 

[Halton rises and slaps himself — nearly killing 
himself with laughter. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 81 

Mrs. H. Twins! (Enraged.) This is too much. 

Mrs. B. I should say it was. A new child every day. 

Mrs. H. I can't stand this any longer. (Rushes to 
Halton with clenched fists.) Speak — or I shall slap you. 

[Mrs. B goes np stage. 
Perry ENTERS r. j, talking to Eva. 

Perry. Certainly, — you shall convince yourself. (Sees 
Fisher.) Ah, there he is. My dear Eva, Mother, allow 
me to introduce to you Mr. George Fisher — the friend whose 
existence you denied 

Blood, (jumping up). George Fisher? Annie's actor 
chap. (Rises.) 

Mrs. B. (bewildered). What does all this mean? 

Eva (relieved). It means that Frank is innocent. (Em- 
braces him.) 

Annie and Lulu ENTER. 

Lulu. Annie, — look! (Points to Fisher.) 

Annie (pretends surprise). It is extraordinary! 

Halton (breaks out again). Now the whole family's in it. 
(Laughs.) 

Blood, (struck by an idea). Where is Fanchon? 

Annie (quickly). I'll call her! (Runs into room r. 2.) 

Lulu. I'll go with you. (EXITS after Annie) 

Perry (to Fisher, aside). What now, George? 

Fisher. Let's skip! (They turn to door.) 

[Lulu and Annie are heard screaming off. 

Mrs. B. What's the matter now? ^ 

Eva. Oh, what has happened? V Together. 

Blood. What's up now? ) 

Lulu (rtms in with Fisher's skirt and waist in her hand). 
This is all that's left of her,— she's gone! 

Annie ENTERS after her pretended cry. 

Annie. I hope she hasn't done anything desperate. 
(Winks at Fisher.) 

[Mrs. B., Blood., Annie, Lulu and Eva rush 
to Fisher and surround him. 



8S ABE YOU A MASON? 

All. Where is Fanchon? 

Fisher {desperate). I — I — am Fanchon! 

All. What? Explain! 

Morrison has entered unnoticed, and stands up stage watching 
the scene, smiling, comes down. 

MoR. Permit me to explain, ladies. As a Mason, I 
understand at once that all this had been arranged by our 
worshipful master — (Points ^oBlood.) — as a test for the new 
Mason, Mr. Halton. 

Fisher {amazed — to Perry). By Jove, — we've a chance 
yet. \^All look at Blood. 

Blood, {going to c. — has recovered his equanimity — some- 
what impressively). Er — of course — Brother Morrison un- 
derstands it. Didn't I arrange it capitally? None of you 
had the least suspicion. 

[Annie Xes to Fisher — Eva to Perry. 

Halton {with his watch in hand — taps Blood, on the 
shoulder smilingly). With one exception, Master. (Annie 
Xes l. to Fisher. Proudly to the others.) He's been carrying 
on for an hour to get me to speak, but John Halton knows 
how to keep his mouth shut. 

Mrs. B. {to Blood.). Then — Fanchon? 

Blood, {with dignity). A test for Halton! 

Mrs. H. And the twins? 

Blood, {same tone). A test for Halton. 

Mrs. B. And Angelina? 

Blood. A test for Halton — er — I mean — {Going to 
Mrs. B.) [Lulu and Mor. go r. 

Mrs. B. I take it all back, Amos. Forgive me. I shall 
be the proudest woman at the ladies' reception to-morrow 
night. 

Mor. I am sorry, Mrs. Bloodgood, but the reception has 
been postponed! 

Lulu, Eva and Annie {together). That's too bad. 

Blood, {cheerfully). Never mind, children, we'll have a 
little reception at home to welcome Mr. Morrison. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 83 

Mrs. B. What! After all you told me about him? 

Blood, (embarrassed). That — cousin of his — (smiling) — 
who went to Canada 

Mrs. B. (to Mor. and LuLu).Then I withdraw my opposi- 
tion (Joins their hands.) 

Annie (to Fisher). Go on, tell pops, George 

Perry (aside to Blood.). Well, Master, how about the 
20,000 Fanchon was to get? 

Fisher. Papa! 

Blood, (aside to Fisher). You shall have them, — it's 
worth that much to- get rid of Angelina. 

Fisher. I take Annie instead. 

Blood, (quickly). It's a bargain! Two daughters in two 
days — by Jingo! There's only one city in the United 
States 

Fisher. And that is Rockfort! 

Blood. By JingO' — you guessed it! 

Fisher and Perry (zvith gesture). Master! 

Blood. Not in my lodge. 

QUICK CURTAIN. 



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